


What I'm Waiting to Find

by gracerene



Series: Are You Mine? [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Auror Teddy Lupin, Background Relationships, Bisexual Male Character, Blow Jobs, Bottom James Sirius Potter, Coming Out, Dirty Talk, Drinking Games, Drunken Kissing, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gay Male Character, Harry Potter Next Generation, M/M, Mentor Draco Malfoy, POV James Sirius Potter, Pining, Quidditch, Top Teddy Lupin, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-29 10:09:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5123663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracerene/pseuds/gracerene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James has devoted the past two years to being the best damn Chaser that Puddlemere United has ever seen...and to getting over his teenage crush on Teddy. But when Teddy comes back to England after a long stint abroad, James's resolve to move on is put to the test.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> All the thanks to capitu, gryffindorj, and indyonblue for their beta work! <3
> 
> Written for the [2015 HP Next Gen Fest](http://hp-nextgen-fest.livejournal.com/89624.html) on livejournal.

**Prologue**

James experienced three life-altering moments in his seventh year at Hogwarts. He decided that he wanted to be a professional Quidditch player, he worked out that he was gay, and he realised that he was in love. That last one gave him a bit of trouble.

~~~~~

James sighed as he flopped back on his bed. He wondered for the millionth time how the feeling of invincibility that he'd had at the start of seventh year had managed to disappear not four months later. Everything had been perfect; his course load, his beautiful girlfriend, Ariella, his frequent letters to Teddy, and, best of all, finding out that Puddlemere United, _his_ team, had been watching him fly since fifth year!

It had all been going better than James could have even planned, which was why, when Ariella whispered breathily into James's ear one night while they were going at it, that she thought she was _ready_ , James had easily agreed. 

James hadn't ever told anybody, but he'd never felt the same rush to have sex that all his mates did. He still hadn't managed to get laid, though his friends were all under the impression that he'd lost his virginity a couple of years ago, with some french bird over summer hols. The truth was, as much as he liked the idea of sex, every time things had started getting hot and heavy with a girl, he just couldn't seem to push for the next step. Even though he and Ariella had been dating for a few months, he still couldn't seem to muster the same enthusiasm for her curves as the rest of his dorm mates. James knew he didn't love her, and he wondered if he should feel guilty about that, if it should worry him that he was about to have sex with somebody he didn't feel that strongly for. But those thoughts never seemed to last very long. He didn’t exactly fancy the idea of dying a virgin, and she seemed like as good a choice as any.

The sex was...less than he'd been expecting. It was awkward—quick and polite. True, once he'd pressed inside, once he'd felt that tight, wet heat wrapped around him, it was just about the best thing he'd ever felt; he didn't even last two minutes thrusting into her before his orgasm hit him like a Bludger. It wasn't until afterwards that he'd felt a little disappointed. James had always thought there would be more—stars and fireworks. Something a lot more monumental. Ariella had seemed happy enough though, smiling softly up at him. James felt embarrassed for wanting more than a physical release. Merlin, he was supposed to be the man in the relationship.

He went back home feeling relieved that he would have time away to process his experience with Ariella, to figure out why his stomach had felt heavy and his skin prickly, ever since their night together. Hell, even Albus and Lily’s constant bickering would be a welcome distraction this year. Unfortunately, the picture of Draco Malfoy sucking face with another man on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_ had squashed all of James’s hopes for relief. As the star Seeker of Puddlemere United, Malfoy had always been James's favourite player growing up. Now that he was the manager of the team James hoped to someday play for, he'd been pretty much elevated to God status in James's eyes. Seeing the photo had his stomach twisting and his skin heating up.

Being gay might be more accepted nowadays by the wizarding world, but prejudice still existed, and nowhere was it more prevalent than in the sports industry. The whole ordeal made James's palms sweat when he thought about Malfoy—his idol—losing his job because he liked men. When he wasn't obsessing over Ariella and himself, he was staring at the photo of Draco Malfoy and this mystery man. He felt fidgety and enthralled as he watched the two of them in their passionate embrace. Draco had seemed so calm in his press release, and Albus said that Scorpius had already known for ages—that it wasn't a big secret. But James knew that there was a reason Malfoy hadn't come out willingly, and James didn't know why it made him so panicky when he thought about what might happen now that the truth was out. Malfoy was shrewd, powerful, and damned good at what he did, but he couldn't control everything. Despite the anxiety that James felt whenever he thought about it, he welcomed the distraction from trying to decipher his feelings for Ariella.

James's break wasn't exactly going as planned, and he knew his family was noticing his moodiness. Luckily they all seemed inclined to put it off to general teenage surliness, which would have pissed James off—he wasn't normally _that_ moody—if it hadn't meant that they'd left him to his own devices.

Of course, James should have realised that not everybody would be so accommodating.

"Alright, Jamie, time to talk about whatever's got you in such a state."

James bolted up from the bed, heart racing at the interruption. It was after midnight, and James certainly hadn't been expecting anybody to barge into his room. He flushed inexplicably as he took in Teddy, his sleep-shirt stretched tight across his shoulders as he stood in the doorway with a bottle of Firewhisky and a cheeky grin. Teddy shut the door and climbed up onto James's bed, before conjuring two glasses and filling them to the top.

"Come on now, you've been holed up here for days avoiding everybody. That's no way to spend Christmas!"

"Maybe I wanted to be alone," James said, without heat, as he took the glass. His chest felt funny at the thought of Teddy noticing his absence. That he'd specifically sought James out to try and make him feel better. He sat down next to Teddy on the bed.

"I don't believe that for a minute. The James I know much prefers being the center of attention," Teddy teased. His hair was his natural light brown, and it almost seemed to glow in the faint light from the corner lamp. James averted his eyes a took a large gulp of Firewhisky, feeling it burn all the way to his stomach. "Hey." Teddy's voice was softer now. "Talk to me."

James bit his lip. "It's nothing. It's stupid." It was. Or Teddy would think so. Teddy had probably never had any problems with sex. He'd probably never felt mixed up and confused like James did. He'd dated Victoire for ages, one of the most sophisticated girls James knew. They'd always seemed so easy together. James had felt a bit jealous whenever he'd seen them at family gatherings, a weird squeezing around his chest whenever Teddy brushed her hair back behind her ears.

"I doubt that," Teddy said confidently. "If it's got you all tied up in knots, I'm sure it's not stupid. Come on, talk to me. If you don't, you know your dad is just going to end up here in a few days trying to get the story out of you. I mean, if you'd rather talk to him…"

James snorted. "Subtle, Teddy."

"Whatever, Jamie. I'm a patient man. And we've got this whole bottle of Firewhisky here. You'll tell me eventually." And there was that cocky grin again, the one that made James's heart speed up. Or maybe that was just the alcohol starting to kick in.

He tore his eyes away from Teddy and focused on the Puddlemere poster of Draco Malfoy on his wall. It was from back when he was still Seeker, his graceful figure zooming in and out of the frame, pausing every once in awhile to flash a wicked smirk. His dad hated that poster, always going out of his way to avoid looking at it, his jaw tightening whenever he happened to catch a glance. But he'd gone with James to the store to purchase it when James had saved enough money, he'd helped him hang it, and he'd never once said anything disparaging about James's hero—the same couldn't be said about the rest of the Weasleys. Even now, when the entire wizarding world had something to say about him, his dad was firmly silent.

"James," Teddy murmured, drawing James's attention back to the present.

James sighed. Maybe it would be good to talk to somebody, and if he was going to confide in anybody, it would be Teddy. He took a fortifying sip of Firewhisky. "I had sex. With Ariella."

Teddy raised his brows and clinked his glass against James's. "Well, congrats! Is that what's got you all keyed up? Losing your virginity?"

James blushed. "Yeah, I guess. It just wasn't—I mean it wasn't bad or anything—she seemed to enjoy it and I got off, it...I don't know. It didn't feel the way I thought it would."

Teddy smiled, and his eyes filled with understanding. "Nobody's first time is perfect, Jamie. It's always a bit awkward. It takes awhile to figure out what you like." Teddy looked over at James and smirked. "And to build up stamina."

"Hey, now! I didn't say anything about my stamina," James protested as he shoved at Teddy's arm.

Teddy laughed. "You didn't have to. But don't worry, that's all normal. And it gets better. Much better." He looked off dreamily into the distance, and James's throat felt tight as he wondered what—or who—was putting that look onto Teddy's face.

"Well, that's easy for you to say," James muttered bitterly. "Your first time was probably brilliant."

"Which one?"

"What?"

"Well," Teddy said slowly, clearly weighing his words, "my first time with a girl was pretty embarrassing. We were both sixteen and pissed and I only half remember it. Irene still teases me about it when we run into each other."

"Yeah?" That did make James feel a bit better, if only marginally. Though a petulant part of him felt a little annoyed that Teddy had been younger than James when he'd lost his virginity.

"But my first time with a bloke..." James ears perked up, his eyes widening as he absorbed Teddy's words. "That was actually pretty hot. Though I'd had a bit more experience by then, so I managed not to completely embarrass myself when he got a hand on my cock."

"So you're—are you—"

Teddy smiled patiently. "I like both, always have."

James felt dizzy, and he set his glass down on the window sill. "I—I didn't know that. Does anybody else…"

"I haven't told a lot of people. Just some friends. It doesn't really feel like anybody else's business, you know?" Teddy finished off the rest of his glass in one long swallow, then refilled it with a flick of his wand. "Maybe it'd be different if I ever got serious about a bloke, but I'm not really looking for anything long-term right now, not with anybody. It's...people are more accepting about that kind of thing nowadays, but it's still not easy, especially in the Aurors." Teddy's expression was tight, nothing like the teasing openness he'd had just a second ago. 

"Maybe it's cowardly, not telling people. But I already get shit for—" He broke off, and took an angry swallow. "For my dad being a werewolf, and not everybody is all that trusting of metamorphmagi either. I'm not ashamed of any of it. I'm proud of my dad and my mum, proud of who I am, but it's—it's a lot to handle sometimes…" Teddy looked over at him, his eyes scanning James before he ran a hand over his face. "Wow, I did not mean to unload like that. I must be a lot drunker than I'd thought."

James reached out and grabbed Teddy's wrist, taking a moment to feel the warmth of his skin and the strength of his bones beneath James's fingers, before pulling him forward into a hug. He smelled warm and spicy and James had the strangest impulse to stick his nose behind Teddy's ear and inhale him. He must be drunker than he'd thought, too.

"You know I don't care about any of that, right?" James asked when they'd separated. "It doesn't matter who you love." Teddy gave him a slow, soft smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and James's heart beat an uneven tattoo in his chest. Teddy nodded, and turned to bring his glass up to his mouth for another taste of Firewhisky. James watched, strangely mesmerised by the way Teddy's throat moved as he swallowed, by the shine of alcohol on his lips, and the way his tongue darted out to lick up the stray drops.

He cleared his throat and poured himself another glass.

The rest of break passed in a much more pleasant blur, and before James knew it, he was back at Hogwarts. But something had changed. 

Maybe it was his disappointing experience with Ariella, or his idol being pushed out of the closet, or maybe it was his revealing conversation with Teddy, but James couldn't help but notice how much he was _noticing_ other blokes: the bulge of a bicep, the jut of a collarbone, the tight curve of an arse. James found his pulse quickening in a way that it never quite seemed to around Ariella.

By the time Easter hols had rolled around, James was well and truly sure he was gay. He had broken up with Ariella a few weeks earlier with little drama. He just couldn't keep dating her once he'd realised the truth. Not after he'd spent weeks coming his brains out as he pictured strong, masculine hands pinning him to the bed, while he slid his own slick fingers lower and _lower_.

The realisation freaked him a out a little, especially considering the fact that he wanted to go into professional Quidditch. Knowing that he'd have Teddy to lean on until he was ready to come out was a big comfort. Which was why, when Teddy pulled him aside during Easter hols, his face flushed with excitement as he told James that he'd gotten into the Auror exchange programme he'd applied to, James's stomach dropped. Teddy would be leaving at the end of the month. For two years.

He knew Teddy was expecting James to be happy for him, so he plastered on a smile and gave him a big hug.

"That's amazing! I knew you'd get it. They'd be stupid not to pick you." James wasn't lying, even if his words felt hollow. Teddy practically glowed with pride and happiness.

That night, when he was finally alone, he thought about Teddy leaving for two years and let the emotion wash over him. His gut felt shredded, like somebody had come along, scooped out all his insides, and left him empty. Just the thought of being so far away from Teddy for so long made him sick, and he worried about how it would feel when he was really gone.

He thought about how, ever since he'd broken up with Ariella, he couldn't seem to wank without picturing Teddy. James's fantasy men always morphed into Teddy, even when he'd purposefully tried to think of somebody else. He thought about how his stomach jumped and fluttered whenever Teddy smiled at him. About how just getting a simple letter from Teddy was always the highlight of James's day. It all pointed to the same undeniable truth.

James was in love with Teddy.

The realisation couldn't have been worse. James knew Teddy loved him, but he would never be _in_ love with him. He'd always be like a little brother to Teddy. James knew he could never tell him how he felt, especially not with Teddy leaving for the next few years.

Harry was thrilled with Teddy's accomplishment, and threw a party celebrating the big news. James did his best to smile and look happy, and when he hugged Teddy goodbye, he only held on a little too long.

By the end of the year, James had his own big news to share; he'd been drafted to play for Puddlemere United. His first impulse, as it always was when he had big news, was to rush up to his room and write a letter to Teddy. This time, though, the act of writing left him feeling hollow, instead of content. Exchanging letters with Teddy had always been one of the highlights of his time away from home, something just for him and Teddy, keeping them connected until he came back from Hogwarts. It was used like a balm, making it so James could feel okay with their temporary separation. But now, their separation wasn't temporary. James wouldn't be seeing Teddy for years, and this letter would probably take weeks before it even reached him. It would be ages before Teddy even knew about the biggest thing to ever happen to James. Somehow, that knowledge managed to sour the taste of James's victory.

Making Puddlemere United had been James's dream for as long as he could remember, and now, he suddenly felt like he'd trade it all in an instant, if he could just have Teddy back.

A letter had nothing over the real flesh-and-blood Teddy, but it would be enough.

It had to be.


	2. Chapter 1

James frowned into the mirror one last time before ripping off yet another shirt. He threw it onto the growing pile on his bed. He couldn't seem to find anything to wear, and he felt like such a girl trying to find the perfect outfit. This was important though; Teddy was coming home today.

Sometimes, he couldn't believe that two whole years had gone by since he'd last seen Teddy. His life had been crazy, full, busy, and in some ways, the time seemed to have gone by in the blink of the eye. Some days, though, it seemed like he had felt every single second of the last two years as they oozed by like treacle.

They'd exchanged letters, of course, though never as many as James would've liked. Sometimes James wanted to be able to pop over to Teddy's flat. He wanted to tell him about an amazing goal he'd scored that day, or share a pint as he complained about an annoying prank that Albus had pulled, or maybe even confess some of the things that had felt too personal to tell him in a letter. Like the fact that he was gay. Or the fact that it'd been two years and James still hadn't met anybody who made his stomach flutter the way just the thought of Teddy did.

He'd come out to Albus and Lily the summer after he'd left Hogwarts. They had always been close, and it had just felt wrong keeping something like that from them, even if he wasn't quite ready to tell his parents or the rest of the family. Liking blokes hadn't worried him so much personally, but it did worry him when it came to his career. The Quidditch industry wasn't exactly the most accepting when it came to his lifestyle, and he'd be damned if he let his dream job slip through his fingers.

The idea that James could lose his dream career was something that still kept James up at night. Sure, he had his brother and sister, and even Molly—his cousin, closest friend, and flatmate—to confide in, but it was Teddy's advice that had never steered him wrong. Without him, James felt anchorless. 

It was Scorpius, Albus's best mate, who suggested that James talk to Draco. James hadn't told Scorpius about his preferences, but James was well aware that Albus kept no secrets from him, so he wasn't surprised when Scorpius broached the topic one evening when they were all out at the pub. Albus had apparently noticed that James needed some kind of guidance, which prompted Scorpius to try and convince James to talk things over with Draco. He was sure Draco wouldn't mind taking James under his wing. James thought Scorpius was barking mad.

Scorpius wouldn't give up, insisting it was a brilliant idea, and as reluctant as James was to take advice from Albus and Scorpius, they did sort of have a point. Draco was James's manager after all. He was somebody who had spent his entire career in the Quidditch industry and had recently come out, albeit reluctantly. If anybody had an idea of what James might be going through, it would probably be him.

It had been intimidating at first, talking to Draco, telling him his secret. Not only was he James's idol, but he was James's boss, and bloody attractive. James hadn't spent a lot of time around attractive gay men, and he'd felt a bit flustered. But Draco had been surprisingly supportive; he was much more understanding and insightful than James could have ever hoped for. James wondered how much Scorpius had to do with his welcoming attitude. But whatever Draco's motivations, James was relieved to have somebody in the industry he could confide in, somebody who knew the pressures he was under, and who told him it was okay to be angry and terrified sometimes. He was also relieved that, while he definitely still found Draco attractive, in a posh-older-man kind of way, his little fan-crush seemed to have subsided.

James sighed and had just started rummaging through the pile of clothing on his bed again, when Molly barged in. 

"It's called knocking, Molls."

"Yeah, yeah. Are you almost ready to go? We should leave in fifteen if we want to avoid a lecture from Grandma." She stopped, eyes widening as she took in the state of his room.

"Shit, James, I didn't know you still had it this bad! I thought you said you were over him.”

"I am. I...only want to look nice. I mean, it's been two years since we've seen each other. I want to look— "

"Fuckable?"

"No!" Molly raised her eyebrows. "Okay, fine, yes. I want to look hot. But not like I'm trying too hard. Merlin, this sucks!" He covered his face with his hands.

Molly grinned and began rummaging through his clothing. "It’s fine. I mean, you were basically in love with the bloke before he buggered off to Argentina. It's totally normal that you'd be a bit mad seeing him for the first time in two years."

James laughed. Molly was the best. She turned around, her thick, red hair swirling around her shoulders.

"Here." She thrust out a pair of tight, dark jeans, and his favorite deep blue shirt. "These jeans make your arse look phenomenal."

James grabbed the jeans and started putting them on. "Yeah, but what about that shirt. I've had it for ages, it's not exactly the nicest."

"Well you don't want to look like you're trying too hard. And you've filled out a bit since you bought it. It's casual enough for a family dinner, but it really shows off your arms and shoulders. Plus the colour looks great on you. Trust me, you always turn heads when you go out in this shirt."

"Seriously?" It was James's favorite because it was so comfortable and worn in, which hardly screamed sexy to him. Though the few times he'd let Molly dress him, she hadn't steered him wrong.

He looked at Molly and did a little spin. "How do I look?"

"Totally fuckable. Ten out of ten would shag."

James rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop his grin.

Molly stepped forward, her face serious. "Look, James. I want you to be happy. It's been hard watching you pine away for him over these past two years. I know you said you've moved on, but…" She broke off, eyes downcast as she bit her lip. "I'm not saying you have to go out there and get laid, but I know you haven't even tried meeting anybody else lately. Maybe if you tried it with some other bloke, it might help. I just...I don't want to see you get hurt." James waited patiently for her to finish as she fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "It's like you've been waiting for him to come back, and maybe—maybe something will happen and it'll be perfect, but if not...I want to make sure your expectations aren't too high."

James clenched his jaw, doing his best not to snap at her. He knew that she was just looking out for him, trying to be a good friend. And truth be told, she wasn't wrong. It may not have been a conscious effort on his part, but he hadn't wanted to get involved with some random bloke, not when he couldn't give his whole heart. He'd never had a chance to move on, to let those feelings for Teddy go. Deep down, James knew that some part of him was hoping that something would happen with Teddy when he came back.

"I haven't exactly been celibate, you know. You're making it out like I've been living a life of abstinence." 

He wasn't completely inexperienced. He went out to a Muggle club every once in awhile, when the itch under his skin got to be too much. When he was horny enough, it didn't much matter whose mouth or hands were on him in the dark corners of the club. James would glamour himself and get lost in the sea of sweaty bodies until somebody caught his eye. The blokes never looked like Teddy, not really, but there was always something familiar—bright, technicolor hair, a crooked smile, broad, strong shoulders. They'd wank each other or, sometimes, whoever he was with would sink to their knees and take him into their mouth. But he could never bring himself to return that particular favour, and arses had been firmly off the table. He may be a man with urges to satisfy, but something about the rest of it seemed too much—too intimate—for the back room of a seedy club. Molly knew he went out, and she had to have an idea of what he was doing, but he never could bring himself to tell her all the dirty details. About how James always left feeling unsatisfied, despite the momentary bliss of physical release.

"I'm not just talking about getting laid. I'm talking about actually trying to move on. It's not the same, and you know it."

James did. "Thanks, Molls, I appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm fine." He held up a hand when she opened her mouth to interrupt. "No, really. I don't expect anything from Teddy. I'm not entirely over him, but maybe seeing him tonight will give me some closure."

Molly still looked worried, but she smiled nonetheless and nodded, before dragging James out of the room and towards the Floo.

"Who knows," she said, grabbing a handful of Floo powder, "maybe he's ugly and is a total prick now."

James laughed as she disappeared in a flash of green flame. He reached out, grabbing his own handful of the powder.

"Fingers-crossed," he muttered, before throwing down the powder, and calling out for the Burrow.

~~~~~

James stumbled out of the Floo—and nearly into Molly—as he came out into the Burrow's brand new study. Molly grabbed his hand and gave it a quick, reassuring squeeze. With a smile, she pulled him into the fray.

They had crammed what looked like most of the local Weasleys into the living space, and James found himself smiling despite his nerves. This was going to be okay. He was on his home turf, surrounded by family; there was nothing to worry about. Across the room he saw his dad and mum in deep conversation with Uncle Ron. Well, his dad and Ron were talking and gesticulating; his mum didn't really seem to be participating in the conversation. She looked like she was about five seconds from wandering off, and his dad hadn't seemed to notice. He wondered if they were fighting again. James could remember a time when his mum and dad had been inseparable as they mingled with the family, arms wrapped around each other as they laughed and smiled happily. Now that James thought about it, it had been awhile since he'd seen that version of his parents.

Before he had a chance to contemplate that line of thought, James's eyes landed on Teddy and Merlin help him, James was completely fucked. Teddy was gorgeous—that sadly hadn’t changed—tanned and smiling; his hair was a vivid Weasley red that should have looked awful on him, but somehow managed to be completely charming. James couldn't stop staring at the bright flash of his teeth in his wide smile and the bulging flex of his arms as he gesticulated. Not for the first time, he cursed Teddy for going into the Aurors. Only this time it was because the job demanded that he stay in peak physical condition. From the look of things, Teddy had that particular aspect well handled.

"He could still be a prick," Molly whispered into his ear and James burst out laughing. The idea that kind, clever Teddy could have turned into an arsehole was ridiculous. James loved Molly for trying though.

The two of them were still laughing when Teddy made his way over. He looked so thrilled to see James, that James wanted to punch him for being so perfect.

"Jamie! You made it! I've missed you so much!"

 _Jamie_. It had been over two years since anybody had called him that. After he left school, he'd told everybody to call him James—he thought it sounded more grown up. It had taken a few months of James snapping at everybody who'd slipped up, but eventually they'd all gotten on board. Though for some reason, hearing that name on Teddy's lips didn't fill him with the familiar irritation. In fact, he thought he might actually like the sound of that old nickname rolling off of Teddy's tongue.

Teddy moved closer and wrapped James in a big bear hug and suddenly it was two years ago and James was on platform 9 ¾, hugging Teddy goodbye. Teddy smelled exactly the same, and James allowed himself enjoy the feeling of being totally surrounded by Teddy. The hug lasted for what felt like forever. Going from Molly's raised eyebrows as she melted into the Weasley crowd, she thought so too.

James cleared his throat, hating that he blushed as they pulled apart. "Like I'd miss your welcome home party. I haven't seen you in two years! I've missed you too. I would've gone with Mum and Dad and Lils to get you at the Portkey station, but I had training. But how are you? You must feel knackered after all that traveling." James knew he was rambling, like he always did when he was nervous. Unfortunately, knowing that he was doing it wasn't the same thing as being able to stop it.

Teddy grinned, oblivious to James's nervous babble. "Yeah, I am a bit wrecked to be honest. I had a few glasses of Grandma Molly's famous punch, and it's starting to hit me. I'd forgotten how strong it was." He looked almost sad at that last part, and James didn't know what to say. But then Teddy was shaking himself and smiling that broad smile of his at James.

"But, Jamie, look at you!" He grabbed James's shoulders and looked him over, his gaze traveling up James's body. "You look so grown up! I mean, you've really filled out haven't you? All that Quidditch."

James's heart was fluttering madly, and it was all he could do to nod. Teddy was _looking_ at him. He could feel those curious eyes stripping him down and identifying all the ways he'd changed. James wondered if Teddy was looking for the kid he knew. He hoped that maybe the years and distance had reformed James in Teddy's eyes.

Teddy laughed, bright and happy, and pulled James in for another quick hug. "I really did miss you, Jamie."

"Yeah, me too," James whispered into his shoulder.

Teddy broke away and waved a lazy hand at the room. "I've still got to finish making the rounds, but I'm not done with you!" James thrilled at the unintended implication of Teddy's words. "I want to hear all about...everything. We're going to be hanging out all the time now that I'm back. You'll have to see my new flat. It's small, but right in the middle of London. And now I won't have to be sneaking you Firewhisky."

"What's this about Firewhisky?" James's dad asked as he walked over. His face was split in a wide grin; his pleasure at seeing Teddy again after so long more than evident.

"Nothing, just talking, Dad," James said, as his dad pulled him into a quick hug.

Harry hummed and ruffled James's hair. "Why don't you go help your grandmother with the food, James." Reluctantly, James left Teddy to his dad and headed towards the kitchen. 

Dinner, of course, was a noisy affair. Everybody talked and laughed and passed food, punctuated by the odd minor magical explosion. James surrounded himself with cousins and did his best to participate in the conversations though, more often than not, he found himself distracted by Teddy. Teddy was glowing with happiness, and James was glad that he seemed to fit back into their lives so easily. But it made something ache inside of him too, something like hope, like the idea that James and Teddy could be ’JamesandTeddy’ and still have all of this effortless happiness. It was a dangerous thought.

When Molly served pudding, he grabbed a plate of cake and headed outside, hoping that a bit of fresh air would help calm his thrumming heart. He'd only been sitting on the back porch steps for a few moments, when he heard footsteps behind him. Teddy sat down next to him

Teddy seemed more subdued than he had at dinner, staring at the plate of chocolate cake on his knees with furrowed brows. James waited to see if he'd say what was wrong.

"I was talking to Albus in there earlier," Teddy said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

Teddy turned to face him head-on. His expression was almost hurt, and James felt inexplicably nervous. "Are you gay, James?"

Oh. James could feel the blood draining from his face. He'd almost forgotten that he hadn't told Teddy that crucial bit of information yet. "Um...yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me? You know that I wouldn't—that I'm—"

"No, I know, Teddy. It wasn't because I didn't think you'd be supportive or anything, it's just—"

"Well then why is it that everybody else seems to know? Why is it just me that you never told"

"I actually haven't told that many people. Just Al, Lils, and Molly, really. The rest of the family doesn't know." This information did not seem to make Teddy feel any better. James ran a hand through his hair and bit his lip. He'd planned on telling Teddy differently, on having some more time to prepare himself for this conversation. "I was sort of figuring it all out at the end of seventh year, and then you left, and I didn't really have anybody to talk to about it. I wanted to tell you, but I—writing it down in a letter always felt so awkward. I couldn't think of a way to do it that didn't sound completely daft. I was planning to tell you though, now that you're back."

Teddy still looked sad, but he gave James an understanding smile. He wrapped an arm around James's shoulders and squeezed him in a one-armed hug.

"I wish you would've told me sooner. I want you to know you can tell me anything. But I get why you didn't." He paused staring up at the night sky, before turning back to James with a grin. "Why don't we go out to a pub this weekend? I want you to tell me all about your life now. I know you've talked about things in your letters, but I feel like I've missed so much."

James smiled so big his face hurt, but he didn't care. He was so relieved that Teddy wasn't angry with him. "That would be great! And I want to hear all about Argentina. It sounded amazing."

They ate their cake alone together outside, catching up and reminiscing. The cheerful sounds of the party washed out over the yard through open windows.

James was pretty sure life didn't get any better than this, eating chocolate cake under the stars on a warm spring night, Teddy's thigh pressed tight against his own.


	3. Chapter 2

James couldn't focus.

Which was a bit dangerous when zooming around at breakneck speeds, several hundred feet above the ground, dodging people and Bludgers, and trying to catch the Quaffle.

He knew that he should be putting his all into this practice, especially considering that they had a big game next week against their rivals, the Bats, for the top spot in the league. But James could only seem to spare half of his brain, the other half was filled with thoughts of Teddy.

Teddy had been back for almost two whole months now, and James and him had been hanging out regularly. They had a standing dinner date on Saturday nights, where they'd grab some food, drink some beer, and catch up on their lives. It was perfect, except for the part where they were only friends.

Somehow, Teddy was even more amazing than James remembered. Maybe it was because he was so tangible. Somehow by him being there, in the flesh, even the annoying things—like the fact that Teddy seemed to have some sort of aversion to picking up after himself even when he was at James's flat, and his inability to handle anybody being cross with him—only made him seem more charming. It didn’t hurt that he always squeezing James's neck or ruffling his hair or nudging up against his shoulder. James could practically feel himself glowing with each little dispensed bit of affection.

On reflex, he held out a hand, just barely catching the Quaffle pass from Dalton. Fuck, he really needed to pay attention before he fell off his broom. He zoomed forward, dodging the "opposing" team before passing to Edwards, positioning himself near the goal posts for a potential pass.

He tried to put all thoughts other than Quidditch out of his head, he really did, but somehow Teddy kept wheedling his way in there, despite James's best efforts.

The thing was, if it had been anybody else, James would have almost thought that Teddy was interested. Maybe. There were so many lingering looks, and too-long hugs, and once, when James had bent over to stretch out his back, he could have sworn that Teddy was checking out his arse.

James knew that was just wishful thinking on his part. He wanted Teddy to be checking out his arse, wanted every accidental touch to mean something more, but Teddy was just being Teddy. Easily affectionate.

James sighed, and then gasped, barely dodging out of the way of an incoming Bludger.

It didn't help matters that ever since Teddy's return, James's sex drive had gone through the roof. Only now that Teddy was back, now that he was so close, James couldn't bring himself to slip off to his Muggle club to take the edge off. James knew what he wanted, _who_ he wanted, and he didn't see the point in mucking about with poor substitutes. Not when Teddy sat across from him at the pub every week, looking perfect and real and touchable. Unfortunately, James's body had decided to take its revenge on him and his lack of release in the form of dreams. Vivid, sweaty, pulse-pounding wet dreams that had James waking up every morning panting and sticky. It meant he had to spend the rest of the day with the hazy pleasure-filled memory of strong hands wrapped around his wrists, soft lips against his throat, and a thick, blunt pressure moving inside of him. It was enough to drive a man to distraction. 

By the time they'd finished with training for the day, James was a sweaty, emotional mess. He felt confused about Teddy, and upset that even Quidditch, his usual favourite escape, couldn't provide a reprieve from his obsession.

Draco dismissed them, and James turned towards the showers, wincing as he heard Draco yell out, "Potter. I'd like to see you in my office after you've changed."

James stomach tightened and he nodded at Draco, before trudging off to the changing rooms with the rest of the team.

~~~~~

"What's up, sir?" James asked, plopping down in the comfy chair across from Draco's desk.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Why don't you tell me?"

"What? Nothing's up."

"Well, your performance today would suggest otherwise."

James winced. Of course Draco had picked up on that; he wouldn't be worth much as a manager if he hadn't. "I was fine today. I scored three goals on Watson."

"Yes, you're a professional, even on your bad days you're still _good_. But normally you're _great_. Today, your flying was sloppy, your reactions delayed, and you barely caught that perfect pass from Dalton. So, do you want to tell me why one of my star players can't seem to pull it together?" Draco's lips were pursed in disappointment, and his words hard, but his eyes showed genuine concern.

"It's nothing...."

"Look, James, I'm not telling you that you need to confide in me, but you need to figure your shit out. Otherwise I'm going to have to pull you from the lineup for next week's game." Draco looked almost apologetic and James's stomach roiled.

"But it's the Bats! I have to play! We can beat them."

"Yes, we can. But only if all of our players are in top form. Now, if you want to talk about what's eating at you, I'm here to listen. If not, then I hope you find somebody else to help you work through whatever you're dealing with, because it's affecting your game."

"Have you ever been in love?" James blurted out, blushing violently as he'd fully processed what he'd said. He hadn't planned on bothering Draco with his feelings for Teddy, but he had asked.

Draco looked a bit taken aback, before answering carefully. "Yes, I would say that I've been in love before. Is that what's been distracting you? You've started seeing someone?"

"I don't think—we're not together or anything. It's stupid. He doesn't love me back."

"And how do you know? Have you told him how you feel?"

"What? Of course not!" If only it were that easy.

Draco raised his eyebrows. "Well then, how can you be sure he doesn't feel the same?"

"I know. I mean, we're mates, best mates, he just doesn't see me like that, is all." No matter how many times he told himself that, saying the words out loud still felt like a dagger was digging into his heart.

Draco looked at him consideringly, as if weighing his words. "Are you happy, James? I mean, happy in your current relationship with him?"

"I—" James couldn't answer, didn't know how to.

"Because it would appear that you aren't. You're distracted, unfocused, pining after somebody who isn't even aware of your true feelings. Who could very well feel the same way. It doesn't look as if you have anything to lose by confessing."

"Nothing to lose? What if it ruins everything? What if he's so creeped out by my crush that he doesn't want anything to do with me?" James's heart was racing uncomfortably fast.

"If he really cares about you, then your relationship will survive, even if he doesn't return your feelings." Draco looked weary as he continued. "This is clearly somebody you want to stay in your life. If you never tell him how you feel, you will regret it. You'll watch him meet somebody else, get married, start a family...and when that happens, you don't want to still be holding on to these feelings, letting them eat away at you. There is nothing worse than watching the man you love live a happy life with somebody else, wondering if maybe that somebody could have been you, if you'd had the courage to tell him how you felt when it mattered."

Draco's voice was tinged with bitterness, and James knew that Draco wasn't just talking in hypotheticals. James wondered about the bloke that could make a man like Draco Malfoy speak with such regret.

Draco did have a point though, Teddy was family, and he was going to be around for a good, long while. Did James really want to spend the rest of his life watching Teddy fall in love with somebody else, wondering if he'd missed his shot?

"Thanks, Draco. I—I really appreciate your advice, and how willing you've been to talk to me about this stuff. I don't really have many people I can go to." Other than Teddy, he didn't know any other men who liked men, and he certainly wasn't going to be asking Teddy for advice on his love life.

"What about your family? Your parents? Surely I can't be better at giving advice than all of them."

"Well, my brother isn't exactly the most helpful, I mean, you have met Al, haven't you? He's just as bad as Scorpius who—" Draco raised his brows and James hastened to continue, "Who is a very fine, upstanding young man." Draco let out a small huff of amusement.

"What about your parents?"

"I...I haven't really come out." He looked away, embarrassed by his cowardice.

"Still? It's been two years. You don't think they'd care about that kind of thing, do you? It's really only an issue these days with the older families."

"Well, that's the thing, isn't it? The Weasleys are an older pure-blood family. I mean, I know they wouldn't disown me or anything, but Grandma Molly makes these comments sometimes, you know? She's a good person, they all are, but I can tell they aren't really comfortable with the idea... Mum's a bit better, and I know it bothers Dad when the family says stuff like that, but I just...I don't want to deal with it. I mean, I'm not even seeing anybody, and I don't know about coming out with my career, and I know they'll still love me, but it'll all be...different."

"That doesn't seem like a very good reason to me."

James bristled. "Well, you didn't come out until just a few years ago! You were married to a woman for nearly twenty years!"

Draco's face went cold. James realised he may have gone too far with that last comment.

"Twenty years ago, the wizarding world was considerably less tolerant than it is today, and I had parents who _would_ have disowned me if I'd come out." Draco's voice was icy. "And that isn't even considering the fact that my position in society was abysmal, and my place on the team was tenuous at best. If I had come out, I'd have had nothing, no support system, no family, no income. And I still sometimes wonder if I made the right call. Not everybody has the luxury of choice that you have Mr Potter." James winced at the use of his last name and the clench of Draco's jaw. "I thought you were a Gryffindor. Bravery and honesty and all that rot. Call it what you want, but right now, you're lying to the people you care about."

James frowned as hot shame pooled in his stomach. He honestly couldn't believe Draco was getting so worked up over this. He knew Draco wasn't exactly fond of the Weasleys or his dad, so it seemed odd that he would be so passionate about James confiding in them.

"I'll admit that I don't know the Weasleys all that well, so I can't speak for any of them. Salazar knows, prejudice against homosexuality still runs deep in the wizarding world, and it's not all that surprising that even the Weasleys didn't escape it. The last thing I want to do is make you feel pressured into coming out before you're ready." He paused, taking a deep breath. "The entire wizarding world is well aware of how desperately your father wanted a family. I can't imagine that _he_ would be anything less than completely accepting of you. Perhaps you could start there. He probably gives better advice than I do, anyway," he finished, with a wry smile. It seemed strange that Draco would be giving James advice on his dad, given what he knew of their relationship during the war, but he had a point.

To be honest, part of the reason he hadn't told his dad yet was because he knew how hurt he'd be that James hadn't confided in him earlier. James didn't know why he was fighting so hard against it, especially when he was so sure he'd be accepting. He guessed it was a lot harder than he thought it would be to tamp down that little sliver of doubt.

Draco had certainly given him a lot to think about. Maybe it was a good idea to just come out to his dad first. He could test the waters, and then he'd have his dad as backup when he told the rest of the family.

"Yeah, maybe you're right," James sighed before standing up. "Thanks, Draco. I promise I'll get things sorted, it won't be an issue on the pitch again."

Draco gave him a sympathetic but stern look.

"See that it's not."

~~~~~

Somehow, James made it through the two full months of Teddy being back home, without Molly broaching the subject of James's feelings again. James could tell she'd wanted to. He could see it in her eyes when he mentioned Teddy in conversation; he saw it in the slight twist of her lips when she came home to find Teddy lounging on their sofa; he felt it in the barely perceptible coolness towards Teddy when she'd welcome him into their flat for James and Teddy's standing Saturday "date". James knew they were long overdue for a conversation, and that he couldn't put it off forever. Of course, that didn't stop him from doing his best to avoid her in hopes of putting it off for _now_. Which wasn't the easiest of tasks, considering they lived together, and Molly didn't exactly have a well-calibrated concept of personal space. But he knew his luck wouldn't last forever, so he resigned himself to his fate when Molly barged into his room one Saturday afternoon with a six-pack of his favourite brand of butterbeer and a determined expression.

She flopped easily next to James on his bed, and cracked open two bottles before passing one over to him.

"Drinking already?" James smirked.

"I figured maybe if I plied you with alcohol, you wouldn't keep running away from me like a scared little boy."

"Hey now!" James protested. She stared at him for several long moments, before he capitulated. "Yeah, okay, fair point. But this—" He broke off, and raised his bottle, "barely qualifies as alcohol."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, it is a bit early to start breaking out the hard stuff. I figured we'd start here and work our way up if necessary." Molly gave him a rather pointed look. "Do you think it will be necessary?"

"I haven't the faintest idea what you are talking about." James took a large gulp of his butterbeer, and relished the refreshing sweetness as it slid down his throat.

Molly gave him a sugary smile. "So how's that closure coming along?"

James choked, and did his best not to spray butterbeer all over his bedspread. "Wow, you're just jumping right in then, aren't you?"

"Stop stalling."

He took a deep breath. "It's fine. Things are fine. We're friends, we hang out. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I'm not saying there is. But are you telling me that's all you want from him?" She crossed her legs on the bed and turned to face him head on.

"I didn't say that…" James played with the label on the bottle, peeling it off in little scraps of tacky paper. "I know nothing's going to happen. I'm alright with that."

She hesitated, biting her lip, before she cautiously continued. "Look, there's this man at my work, Julian. He's cute and funny and I think you two might get on. I know you're worried about coming out, but maybe I could invite him out sometime and you could get to know him in a group? See if any sparks fly?" 

James squirmed uncomfortably. He knew that Molly had a point, but he wasn't sure he was ready to date anybody right now. It wouldn't be fair to them, not when he was nowhere near being over Teddy. "Thanks, Molls. I appreciate it, I do. But I'm not sure I—"

"I think it could be good for you, James. I know you're still in love with him, but maybe it would help if you made an effort to move on. And not just with anonymous back room hookups, but by actually getting to know somebody." She smiled encouragingly. "There are other blokes out there, you know. It might be nice to remind yourself of that. Julian's a good bloke. You should give it a chance."

"I—"

"Knock, knock," called a familiar voice from the hallway, knuckles rapping against the door to James's room.

Molly gave him a significant look as James blushed and yelled out, "Come in!"

The door swung open, and revealed a smiling Teddy, though James couldn't help but notice that his smile didn't quite seem to reach his eyes. He looked troubled, and James desperately wanted to ask what was bothering him, but not in front of Molly.

"Hey, Jamie, Molly. What's up?" He leaned casually against James's desk. James thought he could detect the faintest sliver of coldness in Teddy's voice as he said Molly's name, but he was quickly distracted by the thin strip of exposed skin above Teddy's trousers as he leaned back.

Molly gave James a subtle pinch and smiled. "Nothing much, James and I were just catching up. Feels like we haven't had much a of chance to talk lately." She looked rather pointedly at Teddy at that last part, and James pinched her back. "But we were just finishing up. I should probably get going, I'm meeting Mario for drinks soon." She stood to leave, turning back to face James as she got to the door. "Think about what I said, James. I think you'd like Julian."

"Julian?" Teddy asked when Molly had left.

"Just some bloke Molly wants to set me up with." Inexplicably, James blushed.

"Oh? You going to go out with him?" Teddy's grin seemed strained. James wondered if he'd had a bad case at work. 

"Nah. I've seen the blokes Molly dates, and if he's anything like her latest fling, Mario, I don't think I want anything to do with him."

Teddy laughed, and he seemed a bit lighter. James glowed at the thought that just a few minutes together seemed to ease Teddy's burden.

"So," James started, turning to face Teddy, "what do you want to do tonight?"


	4. Chapter 3

James's whole body hummed as he stepped out onto the pitch surrounded by his teammates. The impending thrill of the game buzzed through his veins, sparking hot and sharp over his skin. This was what he worked for, what he lived for. He couldn't wait to crush the Harpies like a bug—though he was careful not to say that within hearing distance of his mum.

Like James had predicted, they'd destroyed the Bats in their game a few weeks back, bringing them one step closer to top of the league. James knew the Harpies were no joke, but Draco had been drilling them non-stop for the past week, and James was confident they were ready.

He scanned the crowd as he waited for the signal to mount his broom. It didn't take long for him to spot his family in their usual place in the stands. His mum, dad, and uncle Ron were there, as usual. Sitting next to them, like he had been at every game since he'd returned home, was Teddy, his hair a deep Puddlemere blue, streaked with lines of gold. James's chest felt tight at the sight of him looking so happy and relaxed, his eyes trained on James. He raised his hand in a quick wave, before the whistle sounded, and he took off like a shot.

The match was brutal, but James was in top form. At first James was worried that Teddy being at the match, watching him, would distract him. He was determined not to repeat his disastrous performance at practice a few weeks ago. But if anything, Teddy's presence seemed to instil in James a sort of unbeatable confidence. He had to do well, had to show Teddy just how good he was. It was like the crowd melted away and every swoop of James broom, every pass caught, and every goal scored, was for Teddy's eyes alone.

In the end they won 210 to 60. James knew that it was all thanks to Kensey, their Seeker, that they'd ultimately won the game. But James had managed to score five goals, and he was still flying high as he showered and changed.

Most of the rest of the team was heading out to a local pub to celebrate, but James begged off. He and Teddy had made plans to hang out after the game, and as much as he liked his teammates, none of them could hold a candle to an evening with Teddy.

Teddy was waiting for him when he got out of the changing room, leaning against the wall across from the doors. "You were brilliant!" he said as he pulled James into a hug.

"Thanks," James grinned. He had been brilliant, though, so had the rest of his team. "Of course, I can't take all the credit. The Harpies' Seeker is wicked fast, we're just lucky ours is faster."

"It's not luck, it's talent."

"Well if you want to shower me with compliments and praise, I'm not going to stop you."

Teddy snorted and shoved playfully at James's shoulder. "So, what do you want to do to celebrate your win? Pub? Club?"

"Actually, I'm kind of beat," James murmured, watching with surprise as Teddy's face creased in disappointment.

"Oh, okay, I can bugger off then, so you can—"

"Don't be daft. I still want to hang, I was maybe thinking something a bit quieter. Grab some takeaway and beer and head to mine?"

Teddy grinned. "Sounds brilliant. What should we get?"

"I was thinking Indian, that place down the street from my flat?"

"The one with the extra-spicy biryani?"

"Yup. I thought I could get the food, and you could pick up something for us to drink, and we could meet back at my place? Molls is working nights right now, so we won't have to deal with her nail varnish fumes and her god-awful music."

A sly smile slid over Teddy's face. "Don't think I don't know that you secretly love that music."

"I do not!" James protested, perhaps a little too indignantly.

"Oh, so it was somebody else I saw dancing to that racket in your kitchen last week?"

James stopped, flickering back over the past week before his eyes flew open in dread. "You saw that?" James had been making one of the hearty stews that Grandma Molly had taught him to make before he moved out on his own. He always got bored in the kitchen, and he usually ended up listening to music to keep him occupied, so he wouldn't leave and burn the food. Molly did have terrible taste in music, but some of it was damn catchy. "But—but you knocked, I remember letting you in."

"Yeah, well, you didn't hear my first knock, what with all the _rocking out_ you were doing. I figured I'd go back out and let you try and regain some of your dignity before letting me in." Teddy was grinning, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

"You're such a wanker!" James yelled, but his words lacked heat. That was pretty nice of Teddy not to embarrass him like that. It was kind of funny thinking about it now, but he probably would have died of humiliation if he'd realised that Teddy had seen him at the time.

"A wanker with good taste in music," Teddy teased.

"Well, how's your taste in alcohol, because I think I'm going to be needing a lot of it now to drown my pain."

Teddy laughed and stared straight at James, his eyes going dark as he said softly, "Lucky then, that I've got excellent taste in everything."

James's heart skipped a beat as he stared into Teddy's eyes. There was a weird, wavering tension between them, and James didn't know why the mood had switched from joking to this weighted silence that made James feel like he was missing something important. He dragged his eyes away from Teddy, and forced a laugh, trying to break away from the uncomfortable connection that made his skin prickle.

"Well, I'll take your word for it. See you soon?" James flashed a quick smile as he Disapparated on the spot, doing his best to pretend he wasn't running away.

By the time he'd picked up a frankly obscene amount of food from the Indian place down the street and made his way back to his flat, Teddy had already made himself at home on the sofa. Teddy eagerly relieved him of half of his delicious-smelling cargo, and it wasn't long before they were gorging themselves.

James was thankful to note that the bizarre tension that had come over them at the stadium had seemed to have dissipated. Teddy smiled, teased and ate his food with his customary gusto. James wondered if he'd just imagined the weirdness earlier, but what did it matter really? Besides, he had more important things to worry about. He'd owled his dad before the match, asking if he was free for lunch tomorrow, and Harry's enthusiastic reply had been sitting on the counter when James had gotten home.

"You okay? You've been kind of quiet."

"We've been eating. Not all of us enjoy talking with our mouths full of food."

"Yes, some of us like deflecting better."

James rolled his eyes but couldn't stop his snort of laughter. "I'm fine, I'm just...I'm getting lunch with my dad tomorrow."

"Yeah? That's great. Harry talks a lot about how he never gets to see you anymore." James winced; his mum and dad were always going on about how much they missed him and Albus since they'd moved out, but it was harder than James had been expecting, juggling work and friends and family, especially when he no longer lived at home. "So what's the problem? I thought you liked spending time with your dad."

"Of course I do! Dad's great. It's just that—I think I'm going to tell him, you know, that I'm gay."

Teddy's eyes widened. "Oh, wow. That's...that's big, James. But it's awesome! You know he's not going to care, right? One of the Aurors on my division is out, and Harry doesn't let anybody give him shit over it."

"Yeah, I know. I know he's going to be okay with it, supportive, but I still sort of feel terrified. It's stupid."

"It's not stupid. I still haven't even officially told him about me, you know. Even though I'm pretty sure he's figured it out. I figure there's no point talking about it until there's something _to_ talk about." Teddy stared at the wall, chewing slowly as if deep in thought, before shaking it off and turning back to James. "It's totally normal to feel a little freaked out. But it's going to be fine." James nodded as Teddy looked away and reached for a beer. "I'm—I'm proud of you, you know. For deciding to come out to your parents."

Teddy's hair flickered fuchsia, and James smiled as his own cheeks heated with the praise. "Thanks, Teddy. It's nice having somebody my own age to talk to about this stuff. Somebody who knows how nerve-wracking it can be." He'd talked with Molly, of course, and she'd been supportive as always, but she'd also been telling him to come out to his parents for years. She'd never seen what the big deal was, and James knew she meant well, but despite her best efforts, she never really got it. Not like Teddy had.

"I'm glad you trust me enough to talk to me."

"Of course, Teddy," James murmured, his voice rougher than he'd been expecting. "I trust you more than anything." Teddy looked pleasantly shocked at James's declaration, and bestowed one of his blinding, dazzling smiles on James that left James feeling a bit light-headed.

The rest of the night passed in a happy, hazy glow of good food and good beer and good company. After their more serious heart-to-heart, they'd moved on to lighter topics, spending hours recounting every moment of the game and toasting to Puddlemere's victory. They talked about Teddy's cases, and James couldn't help the thrill that ran through him when Teddy asked his opinion on a major art theft that had the Aurors stumped. Not that James was any help at all, but the fact that Teddy valued his opinion so highly was definitely something. It didn't hurt that they'd ended up tangled together on the sofa, Teddy's long legs draped over James's lap, sending shivers down his spine with each careless movement.

Teddy passed out on the sofa in the wee hours of the morning, and James stopped to summon a blanket to cover him with, before heading to his room and collapsing on his bed. He thought of Teddy's reassurances about coming out to his dad as he fell asleep. He'd been so nervous about the lunch, but now all he felt was a pleasant warmth and determination. Teddy was right. It was going to be fine.

~~~~~

James's confidence and commitment to coming out lasted all the way to the restaurant. He'd asked for a booth for two, feeling positive and ready to take on the world. Then he sat down to wait for his dad to arrive, and suddenly the room was shrinking. Was it just him, or was the air thinner? Had the room always looked so hazy? He was just starting to work himself into a proper breakdown, when his dad arrived. James waved him over reluctantly. Too late to back out now.

"I was happy to get your owl," Harry greeted as he slid into the booth. "It's hard not seeing you kids as much anymore, now that you're all grown." Harry grinned, and James returned it with his own thin smile.

The waitress came over to take their orders, and James focused on not being sick. Harry gave him a curious glance when he stuck with water instead of ordering a beer, but James thought it best he stay well and truly sober for this conversation. He couldn't believe he was about to do this.

They made small talk for awhile, chatting about Albus, Lily, and work, while James worked up his courage. This place had the best fish and chips in all of London, but, sadly, James could barely eat a bite. Instead he picked half-heartedly at the battered fish, while Harry's glances became increasingly concerned. But he wasn't going to back out of this now. It was time.

"Dad—I wanted to talk to you about something, actually. That's why I asked you to lunch."

"Yes, I figured as much. You've barely even touched your food, you're so worked up." Harry looked at him with interest, and not a little concern. He had always had a way of listening to James that made him feel like Harry was actively listening with every fibre of his being. It had always made James feel special, having his dad's undivided attention. Now, the thought made his palms sweat.

"I wanted to tell you that—what I wanted to say was—I mean, it's not a big deal or anything. Well, it is kind of a big deal, but it doesn't change who I am. And, it's not like I'm ashamed or anything—it's just, with my job, I can't exactly scream it from the rooftops. But that doesn't mean I should hide who I am from everybody, and—"

"Son," his dad interrupted, his voice calm and reassuring. "Whatever it is, just spit it out." James knew that his dad was well aware of James's tendency to babble on for ages when nervous. 

"I'm gay," James blurted out. He froze. He couldn't believe he'd really done it. He'd come out to his dad and there was no turning back now. His heart beat out an uncomfortable rhythm against his ribs, and he reluctantly raised his eyes to look at his dad's face.

Harry's face was turned partially away from James and his expression was blank, as if he was still processing the information. He probably hadn't expected to be ambushed with James's sexuality over fish and chips. When he did turn to face James, he looked pained, and a flicker of fear fluttered in James's stomach.

"How—how long have you known?"

"Uh—since seventh year, I guess." The pain on his dad's face intensified, and James felt sick. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Harry choked out. James was horrified to hear the raw note in his dad's voice. "Were you—did you think I wouldn't accept you. I—"

"No! Of course not!" James interrupted. He was beginning to regret his decision to come out to his dad in a public place. He knew his dad wouldn't be happy that he'd kept it a secret, that maybe he'd even be a little hurt, but he hadn't considered just what that would look like. Draco had been right, and James hated that he'd made his dad feel so sad. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. It's just—I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. It wasn't about you, I promise. I know you'd never turn your back on me, Dad. I needed time."

Harry looked away, taking a few deep breaths. James matched the in and out motions of his chest, trying to calm his frantic heart. "I'm glad you told me, James," Harry said slowly. "I hope you know that I'll always love you, no matter what. Who _you_ love won't ever change that." James did know that, but hearing the words loosened something uncomfortably tight in his chest. 

"I know, dad. I wasn't worried about that, not really."

Harry nodded, and seemed somewhat mollified, though he couldn't hide the sadness still lingering in his eyes. "I wish you would have trusted me sooner, but I'm glad you've told me now. Does anybody else know?"

James bit his lip, hoping his dad wouldn't be hurt that he wasn't the first to know. "I told Al and Lily after I left Hogwarts, and Molly knows, of course. And Teddy." James tried not to blush as he added on Teddy's name.

"I'm glad that you had people—people to confide in." Harry voice was sincere, and James knew that his dad probably hadn't meant to make James's stomach twist with guilt, but it still hurt.

"You don't—you don't seem all that surprised."

"I don't suppose I am." Harry sighed. "I hadn't realised you were gay, but I knew there was something...You haven't dated anyone since that Goldstein girl at Hogwarts, and you've never really talked about girls the way Albus does. Never talked about boys either, though maybe I should have realised, should have paid closer attention…"

"No, dad, it's not your fault you didn't know. I didn't _want_ anybody to know. I wasn't ready for it."

His dad nodded reluctantly. "I'd thought you were too focused on your career. That a relationship was...something that'd come later." He paused, his eyes scrutinizing James's face. "Is there somebody special in your life? Is that why you finally decided to tell me?"

James felt his cheeks heat up as his mind instinctively went to Teddy. "No, nobody special."

Harry raised his eyes in obvious disbelief—he'd no doubt caught James's furious blushing and averted eyes when he'd said there was nobody special. Thankfully, though, he didn't press. James definitely wasn't ready to be confessing his love for Teddy, Harry's godson, to him.

"So, you mentioned earlier about Quidditch…"

"Uh, yeah...that's part of what I've been figuring out. I'm not ready to come out, especially not this early on in my career, but I've been talking to Draco—"

"Malfoy?" Harry cut in sharply.

James bit his lip. "Draco, yeah."

"You told...you told _Malfoy_ , before you told me?" His dad's eyes had once again become misty.

"I'm sorry, Dad. It was just...it was easier. I didn't care what he thought about me—not that I thought you would think any less of me!" James hastened to add. "But he's gay too, you know? I needed to talk to somebody who knew what I was going through. I know you love me, but it's not like you've got any practical knowledge about being gay." His dad's face went through a series of expressions that James couldn't read, before settling on something that looked like guilt. 

"It wasn't because I didn't trust you. But Draco has experience with this kind of thing. So he's been kind of like a...mentor. He's been a big help." Harry looked like he was trying not to scowl. "I know you two didn't really get on in school, and I know he's done some stuff he's not proud of, but he's really not a bad person. I mean, you like Scorpius, don't you?" Harry nodded slowly, with obvious reluctance. James wasn't sure why, but he felt the need to defend Draco, to make his dad see how much Draco had helped him over the past few years. "Actually...he's the one who convinced me that I should come out to you." Harry's eyes widened in surprise. "Yeah, he told me that there was no way you'd be unsupportive, and that I was denying you the right to know me or something. Anyways, he's pretty cool. And it's nice to talk to somebody who really gets it."

Harry had that slightly pained look on his face again, mixed with something that looked like sadness and shame, and James had no clue what he'd said to illicit such a reaction. He studied his dad from across the table, and was worried to note how haggard he looked. His face was drawn and tired, and every movement spoke of weariness. James had been so wrapped up in coming out, that he hadn't taken the time to really take a look at his dad and wonder if he was okay. James thought back to his discussions with Teddy about the Auror Department, and as far as James knew, there wasn't anything going on at work that should be making his dad look so exhausted.

"Are—are you okay, Dad?"

"Me?" Harry said in surprise. "I'm fine."

"It's just—you don't seem like yourself. Are things alright at work?"

Harry sighed. "Things are fine at work. I just haven't been sleeping well lately. Your mother and I—" He broke off, staring into the distance for a moment before visibly shaking himself and plastering on a big smile. "It's nothing, it'll work itself out."

James nodded, and did his best to look like he believed him. He wasn't blind, and even Albus, the most self-absorbed of the three siblings, had noticed the weird tension between their parents over the last few years. He'd thought, much like his dad apparently, that things would work themselves out, but if anything, it looked like they were getting worse.

Harry checked his watch, and scowled. "Looks like my break's about over, kiddo." James nodded in understanding, feeling strangely bereft at the idea of Harry leaving. He vowed to start seeing his father more regularly.

"Hey, Dad, before you go...do you think we could keep this just between us, for now? I—I haven't told Mum yet, and I kind of want to be the one to talk to her about it."

Harry looked conflicted, and James hated that he was putting this on him. Especially since things were already strained between him and Ginny. "I'll keep it quiet for now, James. But I won't keep this secret from her for long. You need to tell her soon; she's your mother."

James was much more worried about telling Ginny than he'd been about telling his dad. He loved his mum, but she was a lot like Grandma Molly in her desire for grandkids. He didn't want to disappoint her.

"She loves you, James. I'm not saying it won't take some getting used to, but she won't love or support you any less."

"Yeah, I know," James mumbled as he got to his feet. "I'll tell her soon, promise." 

Before he left, Harry pulled him into a big, warm hug. James buried his face in his dad's shoulder and tried to fight his embarrassing urge to cry like a baby. Their talk had been more emotionally draining that he'd realised, and Harry always had a way of making James feel like a little kid again, tiny and sheltered and safe.

Knowing that his dad knew, knowing that he was on his way to really coming out and being himself around all of his family, seemed to have lifted a weight off his shoulders. Unfortunately, the weight he was carrying around labelled _Teddy_ only seemed to have gotten heavier, and it was quickly getting to the point where he could no longer ignore his feelings.

He went to bed that night feeling a strange mixture of confusion and contentment, and he promised himself that he was going to figure out what to do about Teddy. Tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 4

James had decided. He was going to go for it. 

Draco was right, if he didn't say something now, he'd regret it forever. Teddy cared about him, and even if he didn't feel exactly the same, James knew that they would be okay, somehow. He felt sick to his stomach every time he thought about Teddy rejecting him, but he was a bloody Gryffindor, and he was damn well going to start acting like one. He knew he couldn't keep existing in this limbo state, constantly analysing every moment spent with Teddy, wondering if his hand was lingering just a little too long, if his gaze was a bit heated. It was better to know. Then at least, either way, he could move on.

When Teddy showed up for their regular Saturday night hangout, James was a nervous wreck, pacing and biting his nails and practically sweating through his clothes. He was wearing those jeans that made his arse look amazing, and a green button-down that always made Molly whistle appreciatively when he put it on. James hoped he didn't look like he was trying too hard, but he wanted to look good.

"You ready to hit the pub?" Teddy asked, after he swooshed through the Floo.

"Uh, I was thinking maybe we could just grab some takeaway and stay in. Not sure I'm really up for going out tonight." James didn't really relish the idea of pouring his heart out to Teddy in the middle of some crowded pub.

"Oh, come on! A drink is just what you need to relax a bit. Mike and some of the other Aurors were telling me about this new place in Diagon Alley, said they'd be there tonight."

"I'm not really sure—"

"I'd like you to meet them. I think you'd really get on."

James sighed, knowing that there was no way he'd be able to turn Teddy down, not when he looked so earnest and excited. It was clear he wanted to hang out with his friends from work, and more importantly, he wanted James to be there too. 

"Okay, let's go. But let's not stay out too long, yeah? I wanted to talk to you about something."

Teddy's face grew more serious. "You sure? We can skip if it's important, I—"

"Nah, it can wait," James interrupted, grabbing his coat. The fact that Teddy was willing to put off doing something he was clearly excited about, just for James, made all the difference. If he were being honest, a drink might be just what he needed to calm his nerves. "Let's go."

~~~~~

The _Yellow Lion_ , hadn't been too packed when they'd first shown up, but several hours later it was full to the brim. Teddy's Auror friends had already been there when they'd arrived, and had claimed a gigantic corner booth in the back. The food was good, the drinks were even better, and James took the opportunity to avail himself of the wares. He hadn't planned on drinking much that night, but that was before he met Dave.

James found that he did get on with Teddy's friends, and for the first hour he was surprised to realise that he was enjoying the outing. Teddy seemed pleased at how well things were going, shooting James small private smiles from across the table. James felt crazy, ridiculous hope bloom in his chest, and he hoped that Teddy would be okay with ducking out early. James had never felt more ready to tell Teddy how he felt.

But then Dave, another one of the Aurors, had shown up, and James's happy mood quickly evaporated. 

The thing was, Teddy hadn't mentioned anybody named Dave in any of his work stories, but it was obvious that they were close. It was also clear that Dave was seriously into Teddy, and Teddy didn't exactly seem to be discouraging his flirting.

Dave squeezed into the booth right next to Teddy and immediately started monopolizing his attention, making eyes at him and touching him far more than James thought was strictly necessary. Teddy tried, at first, to pull James into their conversations, but every time James and Teddy's eyes seemed to meet, Dave was there to drag Teddy back into a low conversation for two. Teddy flashed James an apologetic smile as Dave's hand lingered on Teddy's wrist, and James did his very best to appear blasé and unconcerned. James knew he was overreacting, that a little harmless flirting didn't necessarily mean anything. Hell, _he'd_ been accused more than once of being a shameless flirt, and he certainly wasn't following through.

His rationalisations didn't exactly make him feel better, though, especially when his attempts to get Teddy's attention, so they could leave, were a bust. So he threw himself into conversation with the rest of the table, ended up drinking far more than was probably advisable, and generally tried to not let Dave get to him. He could have sworn he felt Teddy's gaze on him, those piercing eyes flicking over his skin as James joked around with Teddy's mates, but every time James looked over, Teddy appeared to be focused back on Dave. Just because James wanted Teddy's eyes on him, didn't mean they actually were.

When it hit one in the morning and they were still at the pub, James decided it was time to call it a night. He was drunk, and annoyed, and wanted to crash. He turned to tell Teddy that he was going to head out, but his seat was empty. Probably getting more drinks with _Dave_.

Well, he couldn't exactly leave without letting Teddy know, but in the meantime, he did have to piss something awful.

"I'm heading to the gents," he told the table, before slipping out of the booth.

He was heading back to the table, legs a bit wobbly from the alcohol, when he saw them. Dave had Teddy pressed up against a wall as he leaned in to whisper something in his ear. Teddy shrugged, and then Dave was leaning forward and kissing him eagerly. James heart dropped, his vision blurring as he stared. For a moment, Teddy didn't move, didn't respond, and James froze, hoping that any moment now, Teddy would shove Dave off, that this was just some unwanted, drunken groping. But then Teddy seemed to relax and his mouth started to move against Dave's and James felt sick. James gasped, and it felt like there wasn't enough air in the pub, like he couldn't breathe. He needed to get out.

James walked back to the table in a daze, telling the group that he was heading out, before grabbing his coat and walking right out of the pub. He was so _stupid_. How could he ever think that Teddy would want him? How much clearer could Teddy be that he only saw James as a friend, as family. He'd probably think something was wrong with James for even wanting him, when Teddy saw them as practically brothers.

Fuck. This was all Draco's fault, James thought angrily as he withdrew his wand and prepared to Apparate home. He was the one who convinced James he should tell Teddy how he felt. He was the one who made James think he might have a chance.

He tried to concentrate on his flat, but he was too drunk and upset, his mind continuously flicking to Draco and his shitty advice. With that last thought focused on Draco, he winked out of existence.


	6. Chapter 5

When he opened his eyes, it immediately became clear that he was not at his flat. In fact, it didn't look like he was even still in London. After a quick once-over to make sure he didn't splinch himself, he took in his surroundings, immediately noticing the large wrought-iron gate in front of him, bearing a familiar family crest.

 _Fuck_. Somehow he'd managed to Apparate all the way out to Wiltshire. James really hoped Draco was in a forgiving mood, because it was gone one a.m. and he was in no condition to make his way back to London.

He tapped the buzzer with his wand, and a moment later a house elf popped up in front of him.

"Who is disturbing the Master at this hour?"

"Err, hi, I'm James, I work for Draco, on his team. I, um, Apparated here by accident."

The elf gave him a highly judgemental look. "Blipsy can't be letting you in. Not without permission from the master. Blispy is a good elf. Blipsy protects the master from ruffians and thieves."

"I'm not a—" James sighed and looked up at the Manor longingly. He could see several lights on at the end of the long drive, and he prayed that Draco was still awake to vouch for him. "Look, is Draco up? Can you tell him I'm here, please? I'm sure he'll let me in." He gave the elf his best puppy-dog eyes, and Blipsy disappeared with a blink.

A moment later she cracked loudly back into existence, and James nearly fell over in surprise. He glared at the elf, positive that she'd done it on purpose, just to scare him.

"Master says Blipsy is to be allowing you in, sir. Blipsy will be taking sir to the Manor now."

They walked silently down the pathway. The crisp night air was invigorating, but he could still feel the warm hum of alcohol flowing through his veins. He wasn't angry at Draco anymore; truth be told, he was never really angry at him to begin with. It wasn't Draco's fault that Teddy wasn't in love with James.

Blipsy led him inside, up an ornate staircase and down several hallways until they got to a warmly lit study. Draco was sitting in a large comfortable looking chair, sipping a glass of amber liquid and looking decidedly curious. He definitely didn't look like he'd been sleeping though, and James felt a frisson of relief at not having woken him. Somehow, crashing into Draco's house at one in the morning seemed less terrible if Draco had already been awake.

"Thank you, Blipsy." Draco gave James a quick once over. "Why don't you prepare a room for James."

"Yes, Master." Blipsy bowed and then disappeared.

"So, James," Draco smiled and gestured to the sofa in front of him. "Why don't you have a seat. I'd offer you something to drink, but—" He sniffed delicately. "I think you've probably already had enough."

"Actually, uh, I wouldn't mind a glass of something, if you don't mind." James felt like he wanted to climb inside of a bottle and wallow around for a few days.

Draco gave him a hard look, before summoning a glass and a decanter full of the same amber liquid he was drinking. He poured a generous portion into the glass and passed it to James.

"So, James, what brings you here? At such a late hour, no less.”

"It was an accident?"

"Are you asking me? Because I certainly don't know."

James blushed. "I—I went out with...the bloke tonight, the one I was talking to you about," James whispered, staring into his lap. "I was gonna tell him how I feel, like you were saying I should. I wanted to stay in, but he wanted me to meet some of his friends, so we went to this pub."

Draco was leaning forward, listening intently and James was overcome with a surge of gratefulness. He was lucky Draco was a willing to lend an ear to James’s problems.

"I was really starting to think he might want me too, you know? That maybe it wasn't only me. But I saw him going at it with _Dave_. I feel like such an idiot!"

"James, look at me." But James didn't want to. He didn't want to look up and see the pity in Draco's eyes.

"James." James shook his head, and Draco reached out, grabbing his chin and nudging his head up to look Draco in the eyes. Draco's eyes didn't hold pity. Just warmth.

"You're not an idiot. You're a successful, funny, intelligent young man. It's not idiotic to think that somebody might be interested in you. Now, maybe this man isn't for you, though I do feel compelled to point out that kissing somebody else doesn't necessarily mean he isn't interested in you. But if he isn't, there are other men out there, men who can give you what you want, what you deserve." James wondered how many glasses of Firewhisky Draco had drank that night. It was late, and he'd clearly been here awhile. There was a warm blurriness to him, like all his usual edges had been sanded down and rounded out. Though maybe that was just all the alcohol James had consumed.

The light in the study reflected off of Draco's bright blond hair, making it look like he had some kind of halo. It stuck James, not for the first time, how attractive Draco was. He really was very handsome. And strong. And experienced. James certainly wasn't in love with Draco—he was no Teddy—and he couldn't really see any kind of relationship ever working out between them, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel the pull of lust.

More than that, Draco seemed to like James, answering his questions, and giving him advice without ever seeming annoyed or condescending. _He_ never looked at James like he was some silly little kid. And he had basically just said that he thought James was a catch.

Draco said there were plenty of other men out there, and—and Draco was a man. Sure James had fooled around with blokes before in dark corners of clubs, but he'd never let himself go too far. James had convinced himself that Teddy was the one, that there was no point in wasting time with anybody else when he already knew what he wanted. Who he wanted. But now he was wondering what he was waiting for. Ever since Teddy had come home he'd felt this need building inside him, this restless desperation that was getting harder and harder to control. He didn't need candles or romance or pretty words and maybe...maybe he didn't need Teddy either. His stomach clenched at the thought, but he shook it off. All James had been able to see for years was Teddy, but perhaps it was time to see what the rest of the world had to offer. What Draco had to offer.

"Plenty of other men out there that will give me what I need?" He swallowed down the rest of the alcohol in one swallow, setting the empty glass on the table. He could feel the drink burning it's way down his throat, adding itself to the rest of the liquid contents of his stomach. James stood up unsteadily, blinking against the rush of dizziness that hit him as he righted himself. Carefully he walked over to stand in front of Draco, who was looking at him with a faint look of puzzlement.

"What if what I need is to be fucked?"

Draco's eyes widened, and James took advantage of his surprise to manoeuvre himself onto Draco's lap. "What if what I need, is somebody to help me stop focusing so obsessively on some bloke who will never want me back. Isn't that the best way to get over somebody? To get under somebody else? I want that. I want everything." James smoothed his fingers over the silken shirt covering Draco's shoulders, squeezing the firm muscle beneath his palms. "I want to know what it feels like to suck somebody's cock. What it tastes like. I want to feel fingers in my arse that aren't my own. Need somebody to hold me down, pin me to the mattress and _fuck_ me. God, it's all I've been able to dream about for months. You could give me that, couldn't you, Draco?"

Draco appeared to have been struck speechless. He hadn't moved an inch since James had sat himself on his lap, and James decided he was sick of waiting. It may have been the Firewhisky making him bold, but that didn't seem to matter as he leaned forward and kissed Draco.

Drunk, desperately horny, and emotionally crushed, James would admit that it probably wasn't the most artful of kisses. But it was enthusiastic, and for a few brief moments, Draco kissed him back, lips moving on instinct and sliding slickly against his own.

But then he was moving back, his hands clamped firmly on James's upper arms as he pushed him away as far as his arms would allow.

"James, I think it's time for you to go bed. Sleep it off."

"But—"

"You're drunk. I'm your boss. This _can't_ happen. And more than that, you don't really want it to. You're upset. Blipsy!"

Blipsy popped next to the chair, not even blinking at the somewhat compromising position Draco and James were still in.

"Blipsy, will you please escort James to the room you've prepared for him? James, go with Blipsy, get some sleep. We can talk in the morning." Draco's voice was iron.

James blinked a few times before awkwardly climbing off of Draco's lap and following Blipsy out of the room, feeling oddly numb.

~~~~~

James was woken up by the sunlight streaming onto his face and a pounding headache. Which was strange, because his bed wasn't near the window in his bedroom. It took a few minutes longer than it normally would, what with the headache and all, for the events of the previous night to come crashing down on him. He thought he might be sick. Or die of embarrassment. Maybe both.

He opened his eyes, taking in the opulent forest green guest room, and wondering about the likelihood of sneaking out of the Manor without having to talk to Draco. Though that might be a little too close to the walk of shame that it very nearly was.

James was too hungover to deal with this shit. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, reluctantly leaving the warmth of the covers. On the bedside table there was a note, but more importantly, there was a bottle of hangover potion, and James was so happy he could kiss Draco...or maybe just a firm handshake would do.

He downed the potion quickly, grimacing at the taste, and fighting the urge to vomit. A few moments later, it took effect, his headache disappearing and the fuzzy fog lifting from his mind. James looked down, vaguely remembering the pyjamas laid out for him last night, and throwing his clothes off before diving into bed. Looking around, though, he couldn't seem to spot a single item of clothing. Blipsy probably had them, holding them ransom until he went and talked to Draco.

The note on the table told him as much—well, it said that Blipsy was "washing" them, but same thing, really—and to come downstairs for breakfast whenever he was up. His stomach chose that moment to give a loud rumble. James supposed he could use some breakfast.

He spent an embarrassing amount of time wandering around the Manor, trying to find the dining room, before finally stumbling upon a room with a breakfast-laden table. James hoped he wasn't committing some kind of faux-pas by digging straight in, because he was hungry as a Hippogriff, and the food looked mouth-watering. He'd already filled his plate and begun eating, when he heard someone clearing their throat, and looked up. Draco was sitting across from him at the table, looking amused.

"How long have you been there?" James asked through a mouthful of toast.

"I've been sitting here reading my paper this entire time."

James blushed, a little embarrassed at the tunnel vision the food had inspired in him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I guess I was hungrier than I'd thought."

"Yes, I suppose you were."

James went back to eating, this time doing his best to take small, civilised bites. Draco resumed reading his paper, taking tiny bites of toast and sipping on his tea as he flipped through the pages. James tried to focus on eating, but he couldn't stop his eyes from flicking over to Draco, and he couldn't help his blush as he remembered all the things he'd said the previous night.

"Look, uh, I wanted to apologise for last night," James said when he couldn't stand the silence any loner. "It was inappropriate, and I'm sorry for putting you in such an uncomfortable situation."

"It's alright. You're quite forgiven. I know how easy it is for things to...escalate when you're drunk and upset." His eyes were dark as he continued, "But see that it doesn't happen again. The last thing the team needs is a scandal, and I'm sure the _Prophet_ would have a field day with even the faintest hint of the 'Gay Ex-Death-Eater Manager' praying on his innocent, young players."

James felt his face go white. "Oh God, I didn't even think of that. I—I wasn't thinking at all. It won't happen again, Draco."

Draco flashed him a tight smile. "I know it won't. But you're lucky it happened at the Manor. You can't let yourself lose control like that. I know it's hard enough dealing with unrequited love without adding being gay on top of all that…And it’s only me you can confide in, poor you."

James smiled at Draco, who gave him a small one in return. "Can I ask you a question?"

Draco gave him a wary look. "Go ahead."

"Some of the things you've said...You sound like you're talking from experience, I was wondering about it. About this bloke of yours." Draco's expression looked a bit pained. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want!" The last thing James wanted to do was upset Draco, especially after how decent he'd been to James.

"No, no, that's alright. It was years ago, before you were even born." He took a large gulp of tea and squared his shoulders, as if preparing himself for the tale. "Actually, I was about your age. I got involved with somebody, but it didn't last. I wasn't ever supposed to fall in love with him, you see. I was supposed to marry a pure-blood witch and have pure-blood heirs, and he—well, I'm sure you've heard that I wasn't exactly Mr Popular after the war. And, as I've told you before, back then the wizarding world was much more intolerant when it came to homosexuality. We were...it was just supposed to be a bit of fun, and the feelings weren't exactly welcome. I had quite a lot to lose from our...association, and I was too proud to be the first one to admit that things had changed. So he pretended he didn't know that we'd fallen in love, found a respectable witch who could give him a family and normalcy, and I...let him. I married my best friend, had Scorpius...It worked out alright, in the end." Draco was staring off into the distance, his expression pensive as he swirled the last remaining dregs of tea in his mug.

"So this bloke, you got over him, then?"

Draco frowned. "I’m quite content but...I don't think I've ever felt about anybody else, the way I felt about him. Though maybe that's just because I was young and stupid, my whole world torn apart in the aftermath of the war. Maybe the feelings just seemed stronger because things were still so new and raw." But even as he said those last words, James could tell Draco wasn't convinced.

Draco shook himself. "But that's enough about that. It's in the past, and I think it's best it stays there. I just wanted you to know, that I may not know exactly what you're going through, but I have some idea. I hope you took my earlier advice, about confiding in your family and friends, but if you ever want a different perspective, I'm always happy to listen."

"Why have you been so decent to me? Listening to my stupid problems and stuff."

"I'm supposed to be an utter bastard, aren't I?"

James bit his lip. He probably shouldn't answer that question.

"Honestly, most of it was because Scorpius would have been quite cross with me if I had been, and he's quite the little hellion when he's angry. He got it in his head that since you were a gay Quidditch player, and I was a gay Quidditch manager, that it was my duty to help you."

"And now?"

Draco gave a put upon sigh. "You’re my best Chaser after all. It wouldn't do to lose you now, not when you're about to hit your peak."

James grinned. "I've grown fond of you too, Draco." James eyes widened as he realised what that sounded like. "But not like—not _fond_ fond. I mean, I know I sort of kissed you last night, and made a right fool of myself, but I'm not in love with you or anything. It was just, you were there, you know. Not that I would have kissed just anybody, I mean, sure, you're still pretty fit, for an older bloke, but you're not really my type, and oh God, I'm so sorry, I babble when I get nervous sometimes, just ignore me please."

Draco raised his brows and smiled into his teacup, but stayed quiet.

James flashed him a grateful look, before shoving a forkful of eggs in his mouth, hoping the food would keep him quiet. He felt lighter than he had when he'd come downstairs, though he still felt a bit sad from hearing about Draco's past love. Was that what would happen to him and Teddy? Molly said that it was just a crush and he'd get over it, but it didn't feel like something he'd get over. He may be young, but he knew that what he felt for Teddy was real. He was in love with him, and he couldn't even imagine a day could come when he wouldn't be. Looking at Draco now filled him with a strange mixture of hope and dread. Draco had lived a full life, had many things to be proud of and many accomplishments to his name. A life like that wouldn't be anything to sneeze at. But the flickering sadness in Draco's eyes was impossible to ignore, and the thought of living with that loneliness forever was a bit terrifying. 

He spent the rest of the morning talking Quidditch with Draco, discussing their upcoming matches and strategies, and doing his best to avoid such melancholic thoughts. It was nice to focus on something that made sense to him for a change, something that wasn't Teddy or love or relationships.

When he Flooed back to his flat several hours later, he did his best to avoid Molly, who would undoubtedly grill him on where he spent the night before. James just wasn't ready to deal with talking about everything. To hash out the disastrous evening out with Teddy and its even more disastrous conclusion with James's come on to Draco.

That night he fell asleep thinking about Teddy and Draco and Draco's unrequited love. He wondered if it was too late for him to escape that fate, to fall out of love with Teddy. Part of the problem though, was that he didn't really want to.


	7. Chapter 6

James was grateful that the annual end-of-summer party at the Potter residence fell on the following Saturday; it meant that he didn't have to come up with some kind of lie to get out of his regularly scheduled hangout with Teddy. He didn't feel like being alone with Teddy after what had happened last weekend. It was still too raw.

Teddy had owled the next morning, asking if he was alright, and why he had left so early. James had made some excuse about drinking too much, which was true enough, if not the whole truth. He wasn't ignoring Teddy or anything. James thought it was probably best if he finally started following Molly's advice, and put a bit of space between them, was all.

Which was why he was doing his level best to casually avoid Teddy at the party, keeping track of Teddy's movements as James caught up with the rest of his family. Every time he noticed Teddy heading towards him, he quietly gave him the slip, using cousins, aunts, or uncles as buffers. But Teddy clearly knew something was off. He kept looking at James with these faintly puzzled expressions, mouth turning down slightly on a frown. James felt guilty for putting that look on Teddy's face, but he only had to remember Teddy kissing that bloke at the pub whenever he felt his resolve crumbling, and he was right back on track.

Too late, James looked around the crowded living room to check where Teddy was, and noticed that he was no longer conversing with George. He whipped his head around and came face to face with Teddy's worried expression.

"Are you avoiding me?"

"What? That's mental, why would you say that?" James couldn't meet Teddy's eyes.

"Because you haven't said more than two words to me all night. And last week you disappeared without a word, and barely gave me an explanation."

James swallowed thickly. "I told you, I was drunk, and I—I couldn't find you. I'm speaking to you now, aren't I? It's a party, people mingle."

Teddy opened his mouth to reply just as James caught sight of Scorpius and Albus walking a few feet away. "Scorpius, Al, hey!" he called out. Not his most subtle work, but he really couldn't handle a heart to heart with Teddy right now.

"Hey, big bro! We were just looking for you. Are we still on for Quidditch this week?

Teddy's mouth pursed in annoyance, but he gamely joined in the conversation. "Yeah, you said we could play a pick-up game at the Puddlemere pitch."

"Erm, yeah, yes, that should be fine. I have to double check that it's okay."

"I'm pretty sure my dad's not going to care. I've been there loads of times," Scorpius added.

"I doubt he'll say no, but the pitch might be booked so I still need to check. Why don't we plan on meeting there Tuesday, after practice? I'll owl you Monday if we have to reschedule." James looked between Albus and Scorpius and hoped it wasn't too obvious that he wasn't looking at Teddy.

"Awesome!" Albus enthused, before clapping a hand on Teddy's shoulder. "I've been dying to see how your Quidditch skills fared while you were gone!"

Teddy grinned, and James slipped off as Albus and Teddy started a friendly bout of trash-talking. He could swear that he felt Teddy's eyes following him as he slipped out into the busy garden, but he refused to look back. He needed space. There was no reason to feel guilty about it.

The party ended, as all the pre-Hogwarts parties did, with the younger generation of cousins and friends all piled together in the upstairs entertainment room, sneaking alcohol and playing games. Meanwhile, their parents all drank too much and reminisced downstairs, though James couldn't help but notice the ever present tension between his mum and dad. 

Fred and Roxy eagerly suggested a game of truth or dare, grinning as they presented a modified Veritaserum potion that their dad had just finalized for sale in the joke shop. Apparently it wasn't quite as strong as regular Veritaserum, and combined with the spell he'd invented, it would only work within the confines of the game.

Rose rolled her eyes and James chuckled. Now that Rose had left school, she seemed to think such things were childish—she definitely took after Hermione. James, on the other hand, loved a good game, especially when there was drinking involved. His problem though, was that if anybody asked him any questions pertaining to, say, who he had a massive, ridiculous crush on, he'd be compelled to answer. And he might die if Teddy found out like that.

Unfortunately, when even Rose consented to play—after some cajoling from Scorpius—James couldn't very well say no. He cast a pleading look at Molly, and she rubbed his shoulder reassuringly.

"Don't worry, if anybody asks you something about Teddy, I'll start playing with this." She opened her purse and showed him one of the WWW Screaming Yo-Yos. "Nobody will be able to hear your answer over the noise." James smiled at her gratefully.

The game went by in a blur of alcohol and embarrassing stories and awkward stunts. The first three times he was asked, he picked dare, not wanting to tempt fate by choosing truth. So far he had been forced to switch his shirt and his trousers for ten minutes by Louis, was dared by Roxanne to let her style his hair, and had been dared by Lucy to pretend to be her sister Molly for five rounds. Molly had not found his impressions very amusing.

He had just been thinking about how sexy Teddy's chest had looked when he'd taken off his shirt to exchange it with Victoire's for his dare, when Molly interrupted his reverie.

"James, truth or dare. And NO choosing dare, you've picked dare three times in a row now!" Molly swayed a bit as she pointed accusingly at him, like she didn't know exactly why he had avoided truth. She was just trying to get payback for his impression of her singing voice. It wasn't his fault that she was tone-deaf. 

"Fine then, truth!" If it had been anybody else he probably would have just said fuck it, and gone with dare again. But James knew that even if she was miffed at him, she wouldn't make him admit anything that he really didn't want people know. It was probably a good thing for him to choose truth now, while Molly held the reigns. He told her everything, and he knew she'd steer clear of the really embarrassing stuff.

"Hmmm...how about...Who was the last person you kissed?"

 _FUCK_ , so he guessed that he didn't tell her everything. Merlin, she probably thought she was being clever, thinking about that awkward brunette that had kissed him at the pub several months ago, which would have made for a sufficiently hilarious story—she had been a _big_ Puddlemere fan. But no, that wasn't the last person he'd kissed. James tried to fight the compulsion, but he could feel the name tumbling past his lips regardless.

"Draco Malfoy."

The room went silent, and every single pair of eyes stared at him as he blushed violently. Molly looked a strange combination of delighted and hurt, probably because he hadn't told her sooner. Teddy's expression was unfathomable, but his knuckles were inexplicably white around his butterbeer bottle. Scorpius's expression, was most definitely fathomable. He looked furious.

"Look, it's not what—" James began.

"Are you shagging my dad?" Scorpius yelled, his eyes flashing. He paused for a moment, his brow furrowed, before his eyes blazed again. "Fuck, it was you wasn't it? You're the bloke from dad's team that stayed over at the Manor last week, aren't you? Blipsy's terrible at descriptions, but she told me somebody from the team had showed up late to see Dad."

Rose was gripping Scorpius's hand tightly, trying to calm him down. 

"Wait, are you _gay_?" Hugo asked. Half the room seem to roll their eyes, much more interested in Scorpius's question.

This wasn't exactly how he'd planned on telling the rest of the family, but he had already decided to come out soon anyways. "Err, yeah, I'm, uh, gay." Scorpius looked ready to fly out of his seat. "But I'm not shagging your dad!"

"So that wasn't you at the Manor then?"

James bit his lip. "Yeah, okay, that was me, but wait!" He held up a hand to fend off Scorpius in case he decided to attack, not that his hand would do much good against one of Scorpius's hexes. "It's not what you think, seriously. We're not fucking!"

Scorpius looked extremely skeptical and still very angry. James felt almost flattered that Scorpius thought his dad would be interested in James. Apparently, Scorpius was giving James more credit than he deserved. Or maybe he was giving Draco less. Either way, he crossed his arms forcefully and raised his eyebrows.

James raked his fingers through his hair and gave a strained laugh. "Fuck, okay, this is sort of embarrassing, but I was really drunk, and upset about something, and Draco was just being really decent. I was all mixed up about stuff, and so I kissed him. But luckily he stopped it, and then _Blipsy_ took me to a totally separate room, and I crashed." James risked a glance at Teddy, who was staring rather hard at a point on the opposite wall, his jaw clenched. Fuck, he really didn't want Teddy to think badly of him.

"What were you doing at the Manor so late?"

"I, uh—accidentally Apparated there. I was distracted, and thinking about a few different things, and one of them was something Draco had told me, and somehow I ended up at the Manor."

"So you're telling me that you were drunk, upset, and the first thing you thought of was my father?" Scorpius's voice was frosty.

"I know what it sounds like, but it's not like that. You know that Draco's been like a mentor to me—you're the one that set it up. But that's all it is, I swear! He's just—"

"Your gay Quidditch mentor?" Molly interjected helpfully.

James glared at her. "Yes, Molly, thank you ever so much. My _gay Quidditch mentor_. He'd given me some advice and it didn't pan out. I was actually thinking about how angry I was at him, and that's what fucked up my Apparating."

Scorpius still seemed wary, but it looked like he believed James. "So nothing else happened?" 

"No, I swear. It's not like that between us. It was a mistake. I was just upset and pissed and he was there." 

"Classy," Molly mocked, grinning.

"Oh, fuck off. Like you haven't done worse." Merlin, this was so embarrassing. He couldn't even make himself look at Teddy's reaction.

"Draco _is_ pretty fit, I think you should have gone for it," Dominique teased, earning an offended glare from Scorpius.

The rest of the room seemed to relax, joking and ribbing James about his embarrassing encounter. He didn't know why he'd been nervous about telling any of them he was gay, they'd all seem to take it in stride. Though maybe that's because the Draco drama had been a lot more compelling. Thankfully, Scorpius seemed much calmer now, giving James one last penetrating stare before nodding. James was a bit embarrassed by how relieved he felt; Scorpius could be one devious little fucker, especially if he had Albus on his side.

"Well, it's James's turn to ask a question now," Teddy said brusquely.

James shot him a curious glance. It was unlike him to sound so short, and he seemed tense, his expression strained. He was about to ask if anything was wrong, but then he saw Victoire leaning forward whispering in his ear, and James had to turn away. James knew that Victoire had a serious boyfriend now, and that he had no reason to be jealous, but the feeling still burned hot and sick in his stomach. Shaking himself from the dark turn his thoughts had taken, he forced a smile.

"Alright then….Hugo, truth or dare."


	8. Chapter 7

Teddy, Scorpius, and Albus all arrived at the Puddlemere pitch promptly after training. James had considered sending them an owl saying Draco had booked the pitch and that he had to cancel, but he figured that was taking his avoidance a little too far. They _had_ been planning this game for awhile, and James figured he'd be safe with Albus and Scorpius around.

Teddy looked a bit worn-out, his face not quite as quick to smile as it normally was. James opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, before abruptly shutting it. He was trying to distance himself, not bring them closer with even more confidences. Besides, what if it was about that Dave bloke? James didn't think he could handle hearing about Teddy's love life.

They'd just hopped onto their brooms, Albus already looping around in lazy circles, when Scorpius went still, staring off into the distance. "Hey, isn't that your dad?"

Albus zoomed to his side, squinting off towards the briskly walking figure, as James and Teddy turned their heads. "Yeah, that's dad all right. But what's he doing here?"

"And why is he wearing his Auror robes? He's not here for my dad is he?" Scorpius sounded panicked.

"Maybe he's just here for James."

"We didn't have any plans, and he's heading towards the main building. If he was looking for me, wouldn't he be heading towards the changing room or something?"

"I haven't heard anything at the office about Draco. I'm not sure why he'd be here on official business," Teddy added.

"We have to follow him. Find out what he wants." Scorpius had already landed and was walking after Harry. Albus quickly followed, and after exchanging a wry look with Teddy, James and him were not far behind.

They walked silently, not wanting to give themselves away. Though Scorpius couldn't stop a small noise from escaping when Harry paused in front of the door to Draco's office. 

"In here!" James hissed, dragging them into the office next to Draco's, just as Harry started knocking. The currently empty office belonged to the Assistant Trainer, who had luckily already left for the evening.

"How are we going to know what's going on?" 

James grimaced. He hadn't thought beyond avoiding getting caught.

"Leave that to me," Teddy murmured. He stepped up to the wall separating their room from Draco's office and cast an unknown spell. The wall immediately began to shimmer and shake, before disappearing altogether. It looked like a large, seamless window had been added into the wall. They could see Draco walking to the door. James realised that he could hear Draco's soft footsteps as clearly as if he was right next to him.

"Woah," murmured Albus. "And they can't see or hear us?"

"Nope," Teddy grinned.

"Wicked."

They all crowded against the window, with James smooshed up against Teddy, as they watched Draco coldly invite Harry inside his office and gesture towards the chair in front of his desk.

James turned his head toward Teddy, leaning close to whisper, "Nice bit of magic there."

Teddy raised his eyebrows. "Being an Auror does come with a few perks."

"As an Auror, shouldn't you be trying to _stop_ us delinquents from listening in on private conversations?" He breathed deep, intoxicated by the spicy scent of Teddy so close. So much for distance.

"Well—"

"Stop flirting, will you. We're trying to listen!" Albus glared. James felt his cheeks flush with blood and hurriedly faced forward. He tried desperately to ignore the hot, bright presence of Teddy's body next to his, and focused on the room in front of them.

"So, _Head Auror Potter_ , to what do I owe the pleasure." Draco's face clearly stated that it was not, in fact, a pleasure. "It must have been something quite terrible to merit a visit from the Head Auror himself."

"Oh, erm, I'm not here on official business, actually. I just—forgot to change my robes before coming." James had never seen his dad look so…nervous.

A flash of something indescribable passed over Draco's face, before quickly sliding away, his expression going blank. "In that case, _why are you here_ , Potter. We've hardly been the type for social calls." His voice was steely, that hard tone that James had only heard him use when berating one of the players for fucking up monumentally. "In fact, we haven't spoken in over twenty years, so what, exactly, brings you to my door now?"

"James."

James sucked in a breath at the mention of his name. The movement next to him told him Teddy had turned to look at him, and he could feel Albus and Scorpius's eyes on him as well. He continued staring straight ahead, not wanting to miss a word being spoken.

Draco also appeared a bit surprised by Harry's words, though, as always, he was quick to recover. "Ah, James, of course. I think I'd like a drink. Can I get you anything?"

He moved over to a glass decanter in the corner and poured a generous glug of the whisky into a glass. James couldn't help but notice that the set was identical to the one Draco had back in his study at the Manor. The thought had James blushing, remembering why he knew that bit of information, and what had followed.

He shook off the thoughts, watching intently as Draco handed a glass to Harry and took a seat behind his desk, looking at him expectantly.

"I—I wanted to thank you actually, for everything that you've done for him."

This time, Draco wasn't quick enough to hide his expression of shock. "And what, exactly, have I done for him. Other than give him a job, of course, which was hardly altruistic on my part."

"He came out to me a few weeks ago. Told me that he'd been talking to you about things, since you had some idea of what he was going through. Said that you were the one that convinced him to tell me. I—I wish that he would have felt comfortable enough to tell me sooner, but I'm grateful that you encouraged him to talk to me about it."

Draco gave a small smile, seeming to relax once he'd learned the purpose of Harry's visit. James hadn't told him yet that he'd come out to his dad, and he thought Draco seemed proud. "Yes, well, it was the least I could do. I knew there was no way you'd turn your back on him and having a support system is...important." His expression looked almost pained at that last part, and a pass of something almost like guilt flitted across Harry's face.

Harry cleared his throat. "I also—I also wanted to thank you for...er...not taking advantage. My son is...well, he's a good looking kid and I know a lot of men wouldn't have turned him down, so…"

"Oh. My. Fucking. God," James breathed, heart racing uncomfortably fast. "Please tell me— _fuck_ —please tell me that he's not talking about what I think he is talking about."

Teddy shifted uncomfortably beside him and gave him a commiserating glance.

"How the fuck did he find out about that! I swear to God, Al, if you fucking told him—"

"Come on! No way would I do that! I'm not that much of a prick."

James buried his head in Teddy's shoulder, hiding his burning face and hoping desperately that this was all just some sort of nightmarish hallucination.

In the office, Draco was staring at Harry with wide eyes. "James told you about that?"

Harry looked a bit sheepish. "Well, no, not exactly. I sort of overheard him talking about it." Draco raised his eyebrows. "A bunch of the kids were over this past weekend and when I went up to check on them, I heard your name...."

"I see. So you wanted to thank me for not fucking your son?" Draco's voice had regained its sharp edge.

"Oh, god," James moaned into Teddy's shoulder. "Kill me now."

Teddy patted his head, fingers sliding through the strands of James's hair. "It's not that bad."

Albus snickered, confirming that it was, in fact, that bad.

"That's not what I—" Harry murmured.

"Did you really think I would do something like that?" James could have sworn he heard the whispered words "to you" added at the end, but surely he'd just imagined that.

"No. No of course not. It's just—he said you'd kissed...and he talks to you, confides in you. And he's young and attractive and—"

"Your son. Who happens to be in love with somebody else, but that's besides the point." James could feel Teddy's eyes intent upon him at Draco's mention of James being in love with somebody else. He willed himself to ignore Teddy, even though his face burned with embarrassment. In front of them, Draco sighed, rubbing at his eyes. "And the only reason he asks for my advice, is because he thinks he doesn't have anybody else who he can talk to. He doesn't have any other male figures in his life who are attracted to other men—who've had the kind of experiences that he's having." He gave Harry a hard look. "Maybe, if he knew of other men in his life who weren't entirely straight, he'd confide in them."

Albus's eyes widened at the last part of Draco's sentence and he turned to look at James. "Is he implying what I think he is?"

James chewed his lip, feeling guilty about their eavesdropping as he saw the slightly ashamed look cross his dad's face. 

"Draco," Harry murmured in a strained voice. He seemed conflicted, unsure of what to say. Across from him, Draco seemed equally strained. It was like he was trying to maintain his usual emotionless mask, but something was preventing him from succeeding.

" _Draco?_ " Scorpius mouthed at Albus, brows furrowed.

"Look, maybe we should head out. We know that dad's not here to arrest Draco now, so—"

"No way," Albus and Scorpius hissed in unison. Albus turned to look at James. "Don't tell me you don't want to know what's going on here?"

James sighed. He _was_ curious, but he already had a sinking suspicion he knew at least part of what was happening right now between Draco and his dad, and he wasn't sure he wanted those suspicions confirmed.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, Potter?" Draco said stiffly.

"I just...I wanted to say that I'm sorry for—for everything. I told myself that it was for the best, that—that you didn't care. But I think, deep down, I knew that wasn't true."

Draco closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "I appreciate the sentiment, Potter, but it's all in the past. There's no point dredging it all up now. Besides, it _was_ for the best. It would have never worked."

James felt like he'd been sucker punched, because holy shit the bloke Draco was in love with was his dad, and from the sounds of things, his dad loved Draco right back. He knew his parents loved each other, but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't considered the possibility of them separating, especially over the past few months. It had bothered him at first, but seeing his dad in there with Draco...he wasn't sure that his parents working things out was really the best option. Suddenly James couldn't bear to watch another moment.

"Seriously, we've heard enough. We should go." Albus waved a hand dismissively at him, his eyes still glued to the scene in front of them. James turned to Teddy. "Will you cut the spell? Please?"

Teddy looked at him silently for a beat, before nodding. He turned forward and whispered a spell. The transparent wall in front of them shimmered back into existence, blocking out Harry and Draco's tense conversation.

"What the fuck?" Albus whirled around, glaring angrily at James. "They weren't finished!"

"But we were. We know that Dad isn't here to arrest Draco and anything else is none of our business."

Albus rolled his eyes. "Since when are you such a goody-goody?"

"Come on, that was obviously way personal. We already heard too much. Maybe you won't have a problem looking Dad in the eyes after eavesdropping on his private conversations, but I—"

"It was just getting good, though!" Albus whined.

"Leave it, Al," Teddy said, voice firm.

Albus sighed. "Fine."

"So your dad and my dad," Scorpius murmured after a few seconds of tense silence. "Salazar, this explains so much."

James nodded, thinking about his dad's expression every time he looked at James's old Quidditch poster of Draco in his bedroom back home.

"Fuck, I need a drink," Albus groaned. "I'm hitting the pub, you in Scorp?" Scorpius nodded. "What about you, James? Teddy?"

James shook his head. "Nah, I think I'm going to head back to my flat." He was still processing what they'd just heard and the prospect of being in a crowded, noisy pub seemed unappealing.

"Yeah, I think I'm just gonna chill with James, if that's cool with you?" Teddy looked to James.

Truth be told, James wasn't sure he was really ready to be around Teddy by himself yet, especially after what they'd just overheard, but he knew Teddy would be hurt if he turned him down now.

"Of course that's okay."

Teddy grinned, and James pretended that it didn't send his heart fluttering. Albus gave him a significant glance and James wondered when in the hell Albus had figured out his feelings for Teddy.

"Do you think your dad's gone yet"

"Probably. Let's go. I'm desperate for that drink," Albus grinned, though he still seemed overwhelmed. "See you later!" He waved, dragging Scorpius out of the office.

"Back to yours? Teddy asked, his hand brushing against James's shoulder.

"Uh, yeah."

"Here, allow me." Teddy linked their arms together tightly, grinning down at James and whispering, "Hold tight," before Apparating them away towards James's flat.


	9. Chapter 8

"Can I get you anything to drink? Beer or—"

"Beer would be good."

James walked into the kitchen to grab their drinks feeling jittery and nervous. The conversation between Draco and his dad had thrown him, and Teddy's presence always made him feel off-kilter. He grabbed the beers, pausing to take a deep fortifying breath before joining Teddy out on the sofa.

Teddy nodded his thanks as James passed him a bottle, his expression pensive. James wondered if he felt as bewildered by what had just happened as James did. James could tell something was still bothering him, that he was thinking something over, but James didn't push. He wasn't sure he really wanted to know.

"Where's Molly?" Teddy asked softly.

"Uh, she's still on nights at St Mungo's. Won't be back in until early morning."

James curled up into the far corner of the sofa, sipping at his beer as he watched Teddy out of the corner of his eye. He could practically see some kind of internal struggle playing out on Teddy's face and James was loathe to interrupt his thoughts, despite the slightly uncomfortable silence hanging between them. Normally, pauses and silence were never awkward when they were together, but after everything that had happened the past few weeks, this silence felt heavy and dangerous, loaded with secrets and unspoken words. James felt an inexplicable urge to come clean, to tell Teddy how he felt once and for all, but he fought it down. He'd already decided that he had nothing to gain but heartbreak from that course of action, and something was obviously weighing Teddy down. James wasn't going to add to the burden.

Teddy's face cleared, his expression hardening in determination. James braced himself, somehow knowing that something big was about to happen. Teddy turned to face him, and his eyes burned bright as they met James's. "Jamie," Teddy whispered.

"Yeah, Teddy?" James's throat felt tight as he choked out the words.

"Who are you in love with?"

James froze, eyes widening in alarm. Fuck, why was he asking that? "Wh—What?"

"I overheard you and Molly talking about you needing to move on from someone. And earlier, Draco mentioned that you were in love with somebody. That's why you went over to the Manor and came onto Draco that night, right? Because you were torn up over this bloke?"

"Yeah...But, it's not a big deal or anything. A crush."

"Then why won't you tell me about it? We used to talk about everything. You always came to me with your problems, asking for advice about life and sex and love...but you haven't talked to me once about anything like that since you came out. You know I don't care that you're gay, right? You said you trusted me, and I thought we worked that out, but..." Teddy trailed off, and James's heart hurt at the vulnerable look on Teddy's face.

"I—I know, Teddy. That's not it at all."

"Then what is it? We're mates, right? Best mates."

"Yeah, of course," James responded. "We're brothers," he continued, and the bitterness was obvious in his voice.

"No," Teddy countered softly, "not brothers."

James flinched. Sure, he didn’t want Teddy to see him as a brother, but that was because he wanted more. If he couldn’t have all of Teddy, he thought he would at least get to have that much.

Some of what James was feeling must have shown on his face, because Teddy leaned forward and continued speaking earnestly. "I don’t mean it like that. Al and Lils are like siblings to me, but you," he broke off, looking away from James, the tips of his ears turning red. "You’ve always been different. More."

James stared at Teddy in shock. Teddy’s cheeks were faintly flushed, and he fidgeted nervously, his hair colour flickering, like it couldn't quite settle.

He wasn’t sure if Teddy meant that sentence like James hoped he did, but either way, he knew it was time to confess. Maybe Teddy wouldn’t return his feelings, but he was never going to move on if he didn’t at least try. Pulling on every last ounce of his Gryffindor courage, he replied. "You’ve always been more to me too."

He stared openly at Teddy, looking at him the way he had never really allowed himself to before. James's gaze caressed Teddy's high cheekbones and full mouth, the dip of his collarbone and the strong, stubbled line of his jaw. He knew that all the love and lust and desire he felt for Teddy were written plainly across his face. His hands were trembling like leaves, and his heartbeat pounded loudly in his ears as he waited for Teddy to look over and react.

When he finally met James's gaze, his surprise was obvious, but just as obvious was the hope and pleasure as he scanned James's face. A slow, sweet grin cracked his cheeks, and his hair finally settled into a vivid, vibrant blue.

James's breath hitched, his brain racing to comprehend what was happening. Cautious hope bloomed bright in his chest, and he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

As usual, Teddy came to his rescue. "Is it me?"

At James's questioning look, he clarified. "The bloke you’re in love with. Is it me?"

The bubble of hope in his chest expanded, until it ached just to breathe, and there was nothing for James to do but whisper, "Yes."

Teddy didn't waste a moment, his hands slid up to cup James's face, and then he was leaning in and pressing his mouth against James's. James froze, unable to react in the face of all his dreams coming true. Teddy pulled back, just barely, only enough so that their lips weren't quite touching. James took a shaky, tremulous breath, before pressing forward, nudging his nose against Teddy's as he brought their mouths together. Teddy's lips were full and smooth against his own, and James pressed himself into it. Cautiously, he brought his shaking hands to Teddy's neck, sliding his fingers through Teddy's thick, blue hair.

Teddy hummed against his mouth, and James gasped at the vibrations. His mouth opened against Teddy's and something changed, the kissing went from slow and sweet to hot and desperate in the blink of an eye. Teddy's tongue pressed in, confidently licking against his lips, his tongue, the roof of his mouth, until James felt dizzy from arousal. Reluctantly James pulled back, knowing that there was something they needed to talk about before things went any further.

"Wait, what about Dave?"

Teddy blinked at him in confusion. "What about him?"

"I saw you two. At the pub."

"That's why you were upset that night?"

James frowned and looked away, trying not to remember that sick feeling in his stomach when he'd seen them together.

"James—Jamie, look at me." He turned James's face towards him. "Dave is just a friend. I was...well I was a bit drunk and you were there looking—and you were getting along so well with my mates. You fit so perfectly, and it was killing me that I couldn't have you. Dave was a distraction."

James nodded and couldn't stop the pleased smile spreading across his face. Knowing that Teddy didn't want Dave, that he'd been kissing him to relieve the same painful ache that had prompted James to proposition Draco, had his cheeks hurting from his unstoppable urge to smile.

But then Teddy pressed him back against the the sofa, before straddling his thigh, kissing that grin right off his face and stealing his breath away. Never in his life had James been kissed like this, been kissed until he felt he'd rather die from lack of oxygen than go one second without Teddy's lips pressed against his own. His cock was rock hard in his jeans, pushing uncomfortably against the seam, and James desperately wanted relief. He wanted everything from Teddy, but he didn't want to rush...well he did, and desperately, but didn't want to scare Teddy off.

He tried to ignore his arousal, and settled for slipping his hands down Teddy's back, digging his fingers into the thick, corded muscles beneath the thin fabric of Teddy's shirt. James moved his hands under the shirt and he shivered at the feel of Teddy's warm skin against his palms. Teddy jolted at James's touch and pressed more fervently against him, tugging at James's hair and positioning his head so that Teddy could kiss him harder, deeper. James's stomach flipped and he moaned, the feeling of Teddy manoeuvring him so easily making his blood boil. He kissed Teddy back with everything he had, bucking and writhing against him as he sucked on Teddy's lower lip.

"James."

"Yeah?" James replied in between pants. He couldn't take his eyes off of Teddy hovering above him. Teddy's face was flushed, his hair mussed, and James thought he'd never looked more beautiful, more reachable, than he did at that moment.

"I want—I want to touch you. Merlin, please say that I can touch you."

"Fuck, yes."

Teddy eyes flashed at James words and he swooped down to give James another filthy kiss. "Have you—ever—" Teddy panted in between kisses.

"A—a few times. But it was just handjobs, and...sometimes they would blow me. I've never—never done anything else with a bloke." James blushed and hastened to add, "But I want to! With you."

Teddy grinned and he looked almost pleased at James's confession as he stood up. "We should go into the bedroom then—more comfortable."

James nodded dumbly, captivated by the sight of Teddy's stomach rippling as he pulled off his shirt. God, James just wanted to put his mouth all over him. Teddy's eyes darkened as he took in James's hungry expression, and he pulled him up off the couch. They kissed for a long moment, but kissing wasn't all James wanted to do. He broke away with a grin and took off towards his bedroom, practically dragging Teddy along after him in his haste.

James went to shut the door, and there was a brief awkward pause when he turned around. Teddy and him just stared at each other nervously for a moment, as James's mind caught up with his body, and he realised just exactly what was about to happen. But before he had a chance to panic and over-think things, Teddy reached out and grabbed a handful of his shirt to haul him in for a bruising kiss.

Teddy's fingers slipped below his shirt and James shivered as the fingertips brushed against his sensitive sides. Slowly, Teddy pulled the shirt up and off and the backed him towards the bed. It was only his shirt, but somehow James already felt so exposed. It wasn't a bad feeling, baring himself to Teddy. It made James feel powerful. Sexy. James knew he looked good—he was a professional Quidditch player after all—but seeing Teddy's eyes sweep hungrily over him made James aware of his body in a completely new way.

There was another breathtaking kiss, and James let himself bounce back onto his mattress, lying down flat in the middle of his bed and pulling Teddy down to rest between his spread thighs. He liked the feeling of Teddy leaning over him, his strong arms cradling James and making him feel calm and safe. Which was crazy, because nothing about this was safe. He was about to have sex with his best friend, with the man he'd been in love with for years. This could all go terribly, horribly wrong, and if it did, James didn't know how he'd survive it. 

Teddy's mouth was back against his own, though, and James didn't have time to think about anything other than the press and pull and drag of Teddy's lips and tongue against him. Teddy hovered just above him, and James could feel the absence of that touch like a physical thing. James was desperately hard and he willed Teddy to lower himself just a little, for him to give James something to ride up against. He slid his hands to Teddy's arse, grabbing and pulling until Teddy lowered himself down. James moaned at the friction and eagerly undulated his hips into Teddy's. James could feel Teddy's erection pressing tight against his own and the thought made him dizzy with lust.

"What do you want?" Teddy murmured. "Want to give you what you want."

James's heart fluttered madly as he realised what Teddy was asking. "You, just want you." He spread his legs wider and pulled Teddy in again to grind against him, his orgasm already close. "Want you inside me. Want you to fuck me."

James could practically see Teddy's pupils expand at James's request. "Are you—are you sure? We don't have to. You could fuck me instead, if you wanted." He ground down against James, twisting his hips as he murmured his offer, and sparks went off in James's mind.

"Fuck!" James shouted as he came, his orgasm too close to withstand the filthy images flitting through his head at Teddy's words, images of James holding Teddy down and taking him. He relaxed back into the bed, panting through the aftershocks and staring up at Teddy in a daze. Part of him felt like he should be embarrassed for coming in his pants in the first five minutes of getting his hands on Teddy, but he just couldn't be arsed to care when he felt so fucking good.

Teddy grinned down at him. "Seems like you liked that idea."

Oh, he definitely liked that idea. That would happen—and soon—but he'd been waiting to be fucked by Teddy since he was seventeen, and he didn't want to wait a second longer. "That's—yeah, I want that, but later. Right now, I just really, really need you inside me."

Teddy flashed him a brilliant, wicked smile before he began to kiss his way down James's chest. He nipped and licked his way down James's sternum and James's stomach flipped in nervous anticipation as his mouth finally reached his navel. Slowly, Teddy undid James's jeans before peeling them off, leaving James clad only in his come-soaked Puddlemere United pants. Teddy raised an eyebrow and James blushed. He'd had these pants since Hogwarts and they were a bit...battered, but James's hadn't planned on anybody seeing them when he'd pulled them on that morning.

"Well, go on then," James challenged. "Let's see what you're packing." 

Teddy laughed. With graceful ease, he slipped of the bed and hastily took of his own jeans. James's mouth went dry as he took in the outline of Teddy's thick erection pressed against the fabric of his plain black, not-at-all-embarrassing pants. Teddy looked at him expectantly.

James coughed. "Not bad, I suppose. Bit boring, though."

"Boring!" Teddy sputtered. "This is boring is it?" Teddy rubbed himself through his pants, the fabric tightening around his impressive cock and making James stomach clench with desire.

"I guess—" James's voice came out in a squeak, and he cleared his throat. "I guess you'll just have to make things more exciting, then."

Teddy grinned wickedly. "Well, do you have any lube?"

Reluctantly, James tore his gaze away from Teddy's bulge and tried to focus on his question, heart racing when his words sunk in. He nodded and twisted around to reach into his bedside table drawer, grabbing his half-empty bottle of lube and tossing it to Teddy. James couldn't help his full-body shiver as he thought about what Teddy was about to do with that lube.

Teddy crawled back between James's spread thighs, and he leaned down to press soft kisses against the sensitive skin as he moved up. James felt strung-tight, vibrating with tension as he waited for Teddy to do something, anything. He wanted to move, to encourage Teddy, but he was half-terrified he'd end up kneeing Teddy in the head. With soft fingers, Teddy gripped the elastic waistband, before pulling the thin fabric down and off, exposing James's already hardening cock to his appreciative gaze.

James could feel his skin heating with nerves and arousal as Teddy stared. Teddy ran the pad of his thumb up against the messy underside from base to tip, before bringing it up to his mouth and sucking the pearly fluid off with a suggestive swipe of his tongue. James bit his lip on a whimper. 

"Merlin, you're so lovely, Jamie," Teddy murmured softly, leaning down and kissing the tip of James's cock.

James's hands clenched in the bedspread as Teddy took him into his warm, wet mouth, his cock beginning to plump inside that beautiful heat. He glanced down briefly, but the sight of Teddy's lips stretched wide around his prick as his eyes glowed up at James almost did him in. James threw his head back against the sheets, staring up at the ceiling as Teddy took him apart with his tongue and lips. He tried not to move, but the feeling of Teddy's mouth was too good, and he couldn't help his hips from rocking slowly up into that inviting pressure.

He was so caught up in the seductive rhythm of Teddy's mouth, that he startled to feel a slick finger sliding behind his bollocks and circling his entrance. Instinctively, he clenched against the intrusion, but Teddy only hummed softly and rubbed soothingly against the wrinkled skin. James forced himself to relax. He wanted this, and it wasn't like he'd never...experimented with his own fingers. 

Teddy's finger slid inside and James let himself relax into it. One finger was never a problem for him, and Teddy's fingers weren't really all that much bigger than his own. Teddy pumped his finger a few times before giving James's cock a hard, toe-tingling suck as he pressed in a second digit.

The second finger burned as it stretched him open, but James didn't mind the bit of pain. It helped temper his arousal which was blazing hot and fast as Teddy continued sucking and licking at his now fully-hard cock. When he'd fingered himself in the past, he'd never really been able to get to the second knuckle, and he was a bit startled by how different it felt when Teddy sank his fingers all the way inside him. He could feel his muscles relaxing and his heart raced with the knowledge that he would be taking so much more soon. James arched and rolled his hips down against Teddy, eager to take everything, to feel the stretch as Teddy twisted and scissored his fingers inside of him. He felt drenched, loose and pliant as Teddy worked him over.

James couldn't stop himself from peeking down at Teddy, and his breath caught as his eyes locked on Teddy's. His gaze was dark and devouring and he waited until James was staring, captivated, before crooking his fingers and rubbing against his prostate. James's eyes went wide and he whimpered as white-hot pleasure lanced through him. He'd never been able to reach that spot in his own explorations. Teddy's merciless assault had his body trembling with blissful shivers.

"Please," James moaned as he writhed between Teddy's mouth and his fingers. "Please, I'm ready. Please fuck me."

Teddy's lips slid off of James's cock and his fingers slowly eased out of James's arse. "Okay, turn over for me?"

"But—but I want to see you."

"I know, but it'll be better on your hands and knees for your first time." James frowned and Teddy smiled before sliding up to kiss him. "It'll feel so good, it'll be so hot with me taking you from behind, having you on all fours for me. We'll have plenty of time to do everything later. But this is your first time, and I don't want to hurt you. I want you to love it."

James nodded and flipped over to position himself on his knees and elbows. He flushed as he imagined what he must look like to Teddy, naked with his arse in the air and his legs spread wide, waiting to be fucked.

"Fuck, James," Teddy murmured. A hand traced the dip of James's spine and over the curve of his arse. James heard the snap of a lube cap and a few moments later the rounded head of Teddy's cock was pressed up against his entrance.

Desire flooded James's veins and he moved back, encouraging Teddy to press in. Teddy placed a steadying hand against the small of James's back, before he began easing his way inside in slow, halting increments.

It hurt. The burn was so much stronger than it had been with just two of Teddy's fingers and for a brief, terrifying moment, James thought it might be too much, that he wouldn't be able to take it. But Teddy was there, rubbing comforting circles against the small of his back and murmuring endearments as he worked his cock deeper. Impossibly, Teddy's hips hit James's arse, and he realised that he had taken Teddy's entire cock. He clenched down without thinking, wanting to feel the full length of him, and winced as his muscles rippled along Teddy's cock. 

James took several deep, slow breaths and focused on releasing that last bit of tension. He felt the sting start to fade and hitched his hips back against Teddy, begging him to move. Teddy's hands clenched into James's waist, and he started up an easy, rocking rhythm.

It wasn't long before all the pain had faded into a pleasurable, aching fullness that James could feel in his very bones. He felt taken and owned and more turned on than he'd ever been in his entire life. Honestly, James was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that it was Teddy he was doing this with, Teddy who was wrapping a possessive, anchoring hand around his chest, Teddy who was panting and swearing above him.

"Harder," James whispered, as he began to slam his arse back into Teddy's thrusts. He wanted to feel this for days, he wanted to suffer through uncomfortable practices and remember the feeling of Teddy inside of him.

Teddy started fucking into him faster and harder, gripping James's hips and pulling him back onto his cock. Each thrust fucked out gasping, shuddering moans from James's throat, providing a constant backdrop of sound. He'd probably be embarrassed by the desperate, mewling noises if he were in his right mind, but he was too mindless with pleasure to care.

James could feel his orgasm building, and every delicious thrust of Teddy's cock against his prostate brought him closer and closer to the edge.

"M'close,Teddy," James slurred into his pillow, as he pushed past the fog in his head to form coherent words. "I need—" He broke off, bracing himself on one elbow so he could slide a hand under himself.

Teddy's pace seemed to pick up even more at James's words, his hips thrusting and stuttering as he tried to keep up his relentless rhythm. James fisted his cock and started wanking himself in time to Teddy's pounding thrusts.

"Fuck, Jamie, you're so fucking hot. Want you to come, want you to get yourself off while you take my cock."

James groaned. "Merlin _fuck_ , Teddy, are you trying to kill me?"

"No." Teddy let out a strained chuckle as he continued pumping his hips. "I'm trying—to get you—to come."

"No—problem." James was so close, every cell in his body wound tight and straining for release. Teddy leaned down behind him and kissed the sweat-damp skin of James's back, before biting down into the meat of James's shoulder. The feeling of Teddy's teeth against his skin pushed him over the edge, and that was it, James was coming. His cock erupted, thick and wet, gushing between Teddy's fingers and drenching James's thighs and stomach. Rivulets of white dripped onto the sheets as James shuddered through the most intense orgasm of his life. Teddy kept fucking him through it, making the pleasure stretch out and last, until finally, he was coming, pressed deep inside James's arse.

James collapsed face first on the bed, his muscles feeling too fatigued to support himself any longer. Slowly, Teddy eased himself out of James, and James winced at the slight discomfort. He felt Teddy get off the bed, and a moment later, the whisper of a cleaning charm prickled across his skin and the sheets beneath him. He turned lazily towards Teddy, who looked gorgeous and completely unashamed standing bare-arse naked in the middle of James's room.

He wriggled underneath the covers, and held them back for Teddy. "You're staying, right?" James tried to keep his voice casual and light, but he could tell a hint of his nervous insecurity had crept in.

Teddy smiled softly, and James was surprised that he almost looked relieved as he climbed into bed. The idea that Teddy might have been just as worried about how James would react just now had his heart skipping a beat.

He curled up against Teddy's chest, and relished the feeling of his bare skin pressed all along his own. His ear was right above Teddy's heart and James listened quietly to the soothing _lub-dub_ of his heartbeat.

"You know, I never said it back," Teddy said, and the vibration tickled against James's ear.

"Huh?"

"Earlier, I never said—but I do, so I wanted...what I'm trying to say, is that I'm in love with you too."

James stopped breathing for a moment, as he tried to mentally capture every single bit of this moment so that he could remember it always. He hadn't ever thought about how desperate he was to hear those words come out of Teddy's mouth, and hearing them now...well James didn't think that anybody had ever said something so beautiful. 

He pressed his smile against Teddy's chest, and wondered if he'd ever felt so utterly and completely happy. "Yeah, I love you too, Teddy," he said, before pressing a quick kiss over Teddy's heart.

It didn't take him long to fall asleep, lulled by the steady cadence of Teddy's heartbeat and the promise of tomorrow.


	10. Epilogue

_Christmas_

"James, come on, we're going to be late."

"It's just my dad, Teddy, he's not going to care if we're a little late." James threw some clothes into an overnight bag, searching around frantically for his nice trousers.

"Yes, but the separation has been hard on him," Teddy said, walking into James’s room and pecking him on the cheek. "This is going to be his first Christmas without your mum. He's always been big on family, and you know he feels like he's tearing everybody apart."

"Yeah," James sighed. "It's bullshit though, nobody blames him, not even mum. But you're right. He needs us."

"You sure you want to tell him about us this weekend? We could wait until after Christmas. Or maybe wait for a weekend when we're not staying over at Grimmauld Place, so he can't murder me in my sleep."

"Dad isn't going to murder you. He loves you."

"He did. I'm not so sure he will once he learns I'm defiling his son."

James rolled his eyes. "Don't be a baby, we're telling him. He was so hurt that I waited so long to come out; I'm not putting this off any longer. We waited until the separation stuff became official, but it's been long enough."

"You're right. Are you going to tell him that your mum knows?"

James smiled. "Yeah, but I don't think he'll be upset. He wasn't exactly thrilled when I made him promise not to tell mum about the gay thing. I think he'll be relieved that he doesn't have to keep another secret."

These past few months had been hard on their family. A few weeks after James and Teddy had gotten together, Harry and Ginny had announced they were separating. None of them had been especially surprised, but it had still been hard knowing their parents were splitting up for good.

Ginny had seemed shaken, but not heartbroken, which filled James with relief. He'd been so busy with his own melodrama since Teddy had returned, that he hadn't spent much time with her lately, and the thought of her all alone and broken up would have killed James. The timing was terrible, but James knew he couldn't put off coming out to her any longer, so he made a home-cooked meal and confessed everything. She'd been emotional and upset that he hadn't felt he could confide in her earlier, but she'd been more supportive than James could have imagined. Even better, was that she thought he and Teddy were adorable together. Though she had told him that they would have to sleep in separate rooms when they all stayed over the following weekend. Luckily they'd be sharing this weekend at Grimmauld Place. Though that might change once his dad learned about their relationship.

"Alright, I think that's everything."

"We can always pop back over if you've forgotten anything. We're only going across London, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, let's get a move on." James moved for the door, surprised when Teddy reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him back into Teddy's chest. He blinked up at Teddy for a moment, before Teddy's mouth moved down hard against his own. James dropped his bag onto the floor and wrapped his arms around Teddy, kissing him back with equal intensity. What seemed like several minutes later, Teddy pulled back. 

"What was that for?" James asked distractedly, as he reached down to pick up his overnight bag.

"Luck. Plus, who knows if we'll ever be able to do that again, after your dad comes after me."

James snorted. "How did I never know you were such a drama queen." He paused. "Do you really not want to tell him?" James asked quietly.

"No, I do. You're right, he should know about us. I want him to."

"He'll be alright with it. It just might take some getting used to, is all"

"I know."

James smiled. "Well then, we should head out. You want to Apparate us?"

Teddy nodded, pulling James in tight, before twisting them away.

They landed on the front step, and James raised his brows, impressed. He always had to Apparate into an alley down the street to avoid being seen by the Muggles. It took far too much precision to land exactly on the front step, and James usually couldn't be arsed to take that much effort. Teddy didn't even look phased. 

Teddy turned towards him, holding out a hand. "You ready?"

He nodded, linking his fingers with Teddy's, and raising his hand to knock. His heart thrummed in nervous anticipation, his palm sweaty in Teddy's hand. Teddy didn't say anything though, just gave James's hand a comforting squeeze, before squaring his shoulders as if preparing for battle. James smiled fondly.

The door opened, bright light spilling into the dark evening and illuminating James and Teddy on the stoop.

"James, Teddy!" Harry greeted them enthusiastically. His gaze flicked over James and Teddy, lingering on their hands, still clasped tightly together. Harry's eyes widened in surprise. He looked at James questioningly, and James gave a sheepish smile. 

"Hi, Dad. Not late, are we?"

Harry looked hard at Teddy for a moment before his face broke into a wide smile. "Not at all, come inside. Both of you."

James grinned broadly, something loosening in his chest at the sight of his dad's acceptance. Harry turned around and headed back into the house, leaving James and Teddy to follow. Teddy squeezed his hand again and James looked over at him, knowing that his happiness was probably written all over his face.

"Come on," Teddy murmured, his smile just as wide. "The family's waiting."

James nodded, and they walked into bright warmth of the house. Together.

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> [Kudos ♥] and [Comments] are fabulous! I'd love to hear what you think!
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](http://gracerene09.tumblr.com/)!


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